Page 31 of A Governess' Forbidden Flame
“Where is Anna?” he asked, signaling that he did not wish to discuss the matter any further.
“In her room doing some lessons I gave her,” she quickly replied, acquiescing to his desire. “I…I was about to return there. I just thought I would bring you your mail first, as I went through. My sister and my best friend wrote to me,” she blurted out with a smile, hoping that perhaps this might steer their conversation in a different, more pleasant direction.
He nodded but didn’t smile. He seemed preoccupied, and with reason. “Thank you, Miss Wycliffe. Now, if that is all…”
She had to admit that she didn’t expect to be dismissed, at least not in such a curt manner. But she remained there stoically, nodding in understanding, because that was all she could do while she tried to shield her heart.
“It is, my lord,” she endeavored to sound as formal as possible, regaining her composure, something that had in this line of work become her second nature, for no one wanted a governess prone to outbursts of emotions. “I shall return to my duties.”
She felt as if the entire world was swaying from side to side, causing her to lose balance as she was walking out of his study, closing the door behind her. Doubt crept into her mind like a shadow as she found her way back to Anna’s room. Despite theshared pursuit of hidden truths, the stark contrast between their social standings couldn’t be ignored.
The intricacies of her station as a governess and his position as the earl raised questions about the nature of their growing connection.
Caught in the ebb and flow of conflicting emotions, Amelia recognized the need to guard her heart against the allure of a connection that society would likely frown upon. The echoes of propriety and class distinctions resounded in her mind, urging her to remain aloof, to resist the gravitational pull of burgeoning emotions that threatened to entwine her fate with the enigmatic earl.
After all, her previous position ended because she refused the earl’s advances. Would this job end for the exactly opposite reason, that she had been all too eager to accept them this time? That must have been what he had been considering himself, giving her the cold shoulder this morning.
After some thought, she realized that he was right. As a result, she tried to come to terms with it. Despite their fiery encounters, they didn’t belong together. How could an earl ever marry a lowly governess, especially one whose reputation was as tainted as hers? It was preposterous to even consider it as something possible, let alone to entertain the thought for a longer while. Still, that did not mean that her hopes were not dashed against the rocky shores of reality.
As soon as she entered Anna’s chamber, the little girl’s eyes were upon her, looking up from her lessons. Being the sensitive child that she was, Anna immediately sensed that something was wrong, which was what Amelia had been afraid of.
“What’s wrong, Miss Wycliffe?” Anna inquired, her eyes narrowing with concern. At that moment, it was more obvious than ever that she had grown rather fond of her governess in that short amount of time and could detect the slightest shift in her demeanor. Amelia wasn’t certain if this was a blessing or a curse. Sometimes, it was both.
Amelia managed a reassuring smile, though the sadness lingered in the depths of her eyes. “Oh, nothing to worry about, dear. Just a bit of weariness, that’s all.”
She thought that the child would lose interest quickly if she herself did not make a fuss over it, but she was mistaken. Anna was not that easily convinced. She put down her quill and moved closer, studying Amelia’s face in a way that only a loving, introspective child could. “You can tell me, Miss Wycliffe. I can feel when something’s not right.”
Amelia sighed, touched by Anna’s perceptiveness. “It’s just…well, life can be a bit complicated, and sometimes our feelings get entangled in the complexities of it all. Being human means making mistakes, and some mistakes you regret more than others.”
Anna looked down at her hands which now rested in her lap. “Are you sorry you came here, Miss Wycliffe?”
Amelia’s eyes widened in surprise. She rushed over to Anna and took her small hands into her own. She wished to embrace the sweet child, but she feared that might be taken as crossing a line, so she was content just by holding her hand in a reassured manner.
“By no means, my dear,” Amelia assured her. “I found exactly what I was looking for here, and you would not be able to get rid of me even if you tried a million times.”
The playful words worked. Anna lifted her gaze and locked it with Amelia’s. The relief in her eyes was palpable. Amelia’s heart almost broke for the little girl who had somehow come to think that she was the cause of all this commotion. Silently, Amelia vowed to be everything that this little girl needed and more, for she was the sweetest little angel she had ever met. And she deserved nothing but love and affection.
“How about we got out for a bit?” Amelia suggested, feeling overwhelmed by sudden tenderness for her little ward. “We could draw in the garden and learn some more about flowers and their parts.”
“A splendid idea!” Anna exclaimed, already having forgotten about her sad moment.
Amelia wished it was the same for her. But unfortunately, not even a gentle breeze and a blossoming garden would be able to carry away the weight of her growing concerns.
Chapter 17
Sebastian felt like a scoundrel, and for all the right reasons.
He hated acting that way toward Amelia. He tried to remind himself it was for her own good, that it was too dangerous for her to get attached to him. Everyone he had ever loved ended up dead under suspicious circumstances. He could not risk anything happening to Amelia. So, if the price of her safety was being distant with her, so be it. In the grand scheme of things, it made perfect sense. She would be safe and happy without him. However, he hated it.
He glanced at the stack of correspondence in front of him. They were mostly business-related affairs, which he had no patience for right now. Then, he noticed a letter from Frederick Turlington. Sebastian vaguely remembered the name as a distant cousin of his grandfather’s. Sebastian frowned, expecting that distant cousins always wrote when they needed some aid.
He was in no state to help anyone. If anything, he was the one in need of help. That was why he decided to leave the letter for another time, choosing to prioritize his business instead.
As he sifted through the correspondence, his gaze fixed on a portrait of his family hanging on the wall—a stark reminder of the tragedies that had befallen them. They had once been a wealthy, well-respected family, with a title that had been passeddown for generations. He felt that all that was lost now. All he had was the title, but that counted for little when he had no financial backing for it.
Not only that, but he also grappled with conflicting emotions, torn between the burgeoning feelings he harbored for Amelia and the haunting specter of danger that lingered in the corners of his existence. He had no idea why he had done this to himself. He was already in enough trouble as it was.
He did not need to add the flicker of emerging emotions for his new governess, which truth be told, was wonderful with Anna. After all, that was the most important thing. And there he was, almost ruining it all.
