Page 60 of Destined to be a Duchess
“That is what you are telling yourself, certainly, but I see the pain that lingers in your heart, poisoning you. You have not been yourself since your return from Hagram Park. And I dare say you have not been yourself since you came back to England.” She raised her hand when he tried to interrupt.
“These notions of foul play regarding Edward’s death, your obsession with the Webbs, the total abandonment of your art ... These are not the actions of a man who is in full possession of himself. I have grieved openly and diligently since your father died, and you have not. Yet one of us is in much deeper mourning than the other—and we both know that is it notme.”
His fists balled at his sides of their own will. Did his mother really think so little of him? There was no question that he was mourning, but it had not made him lose his mind.
And yet she has a point,a small voice said within him.Your affections for Marianne may be true. Your suspicions of Warren are founded in truth. But you have not acted rationally despite that—putting Marianne in harm’s way, using the circumstances of your father’s death to distract you...
“Edward had the same problem, always burying his head in the sand,” Catherine continued. “I loved him more than I loved life itself, but he refused to accept the truth when it inconvenienced him. Like the fact that he was growing older, that one day you would return and outlive him, that he would die and not be there to father you. And where did all this denial get him? He died anyway!”
“You are thinking too much into things.” Anthony stepped into the room. The hurt in his mother’s eyes was insufferable. “I did not invite Gideon Manners to London because I know first-hand that Marianne does not like him. Her comfort was my sole motivator.”
His mother did not believe him. “Can you swear to me that you have no designs on Marianne of your own? I know a thing or two about young love, and I have sensed this affection between you,Anthony. I have seen the looks you share when you think you are being clever and I am not watching you.”
“I ... Well, I ...” Anthony struggled for an answer that was not an outright lie. “What do you want me to say? Marianne is ... wonderful. No gentleman could spend weeks with her and not come to admire her in some way. You should be glad that we get on. If evenIcan fall in love with her, she will certainly have no trouble in London!”
The room filled with silence. Anthony pressed his eyes shut, closing out that truth that he didn’t want to see, just like his father, and wondering why his mother had gone quiet.
“You have fallen in love with her?” Catherine asked in a fragile voice. “Oh, Anthony ...”
His eyes flashed open. He had said that, hadn’t he? Without even meaning to say it. The confession didn’t feel like a lie in his mouth, because he hadn’t realized the depth of his feelings for Marianne, not until his mother had forced the admission out of him.
Perhaps that was denial, too. Anthony knew he felt strongly about her, that there was a natural connection between them that could not be forced, that had been there from the moment they met. The ease, the delight, of knowing her.
Itwaslove. It had to be. Nothing else could have made him act like such a fool. Like trying to kiss her in the gallery and consequently rendering a match between them impossible until Eliana and Warren were dealt with—regardless of whether he loved her, which,yes, he most certainly, tragically did.
“Are you upset?” he murmured.
Catherine’s neck bobbed. “Not upset ... but surprised. I had thought it was ...” She looked away, her face flushing. “What do you intend if we are speaking of true love?”
“I haven’t a clue,” he whispered. His eyes smarted with tears, repressed for weeks. He tilted his head back, wishing things were easier. “Things are not as simple as you believe them to be. And even if they were, what would thetonsay about a match between us? I have little regard for their opinion of me, but her ...?”
His throat was thick with emotion. “They would crucify her. An all-but illegitimate daughter rising to the rank of duchess? The story would not inspire them. She would be branded as ... I cannot even say it ...”
“But you have contemplated marriage with her? Heavens, Anthony. Why did you not tell me of these feelings the moment they revealed themselves to you?” She clamped a hand over her mouth, then let it hang lamely at her side. “I love Marianne, butI agree that she is not ready for that life. You must take her to London.
As a lady, perhaps she can survive such an ordeal ... And if we present her correctly, if she gains a great number of friends and admirers before the engagement is announced, then she might—”
“Nowyouare being hasty,” Anthony said, trying to lighten the mood. “This is not a question I can ask until everything standing between us is resolved. And even then, it is Marianne’s choice in the end.”
“You’re right. I’m so sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry about.” Anthony nodded, searching for his mother’s fleeting gaze. When he found it, he smiled. “I will share my thoughts with her when the time is right ...”
So long as the Earl of Foxbury doesn’t beat me to it first.
Chapter 23
"I haven’t felt this nervous since I received your mother’s letter,” Marianne confessed, hesitantly glancing at the Westminster Hall’s grand entrance. She squinted against the sunlight as it beat down on the dirt courtyard. “It’s so imposing ... You come here all the time for matters of parliament?”
“Not yet,” Anthony said, arms crossed as he looked up at the palace. “But my father did every season, as I will when the next is upon us. It shan’t be too long now, which is why it’s important I get my own summons executed this afternoon.”
“A big day for both of us,” Marianne murmured, biting her lip.
Anthony wished he could console her. She had put on a brave face since their arrival in London a day prior. But she had been unusually quiet, not smiling as much as usual. Anthony knew she would feel better once the hearing was over—when she stepped out of the grand doors of Westminster Hall not as Marianne Buller but as Lady Marianne Chambers.
The Court of Chancery waited within, where the Lord Chancellor would determine whether there was any truth to Marianne’s claims of legitimacy. His own meeting with parliament was in a few short hours in the House of Lords. Already, Anthony recognized some faces in the courtyard.
Lords who had once postured alongside his Tory father. Anthony leaned the other way politically, a grave break in tradition that he was glad his father was not around to witness. When he became the duke, he would live life as he saw fit.
