Page 40 of A Duke to Restore her Memory
The tears were blurring her vision now. She turned and fled the room before she embarrassed herself entirely and burst into noisy tears.
He didn’t need to see her distress. She would only make a complete fool out of herself. He would probably think that she was just pretending – that she was shedding crocodile tears.
Christina fled the house, seeking the garden. She marched briskly, her back ramrod straight and stiff. It was only when she entered the secluded sanctuary at the end of the west wing of the gardens, where she couldn’t be easily discerned, that the mask finally fully dropped, and she burst into piercing tears.
She sat down on the ground, leaning against an old statue of the goddess Venus, which was covered in moss, sobbing her heart out.
She vaguely heard the birds chittering merrily in the trees above and the humming of bees as they sought the sweet nectar of the flowers surrounding her, but she didn’t comprehend any of it.
All she could think about was the cold look on the duke’s face as she had told him that the rumours about her weren’t true.
Her heart turned over at the thought that he could believe her capable of such deception. They had grown so close over the past month – she had genuinely believed that he admired her … as well as desiring her. How could he just dismiss his feelings, turning them on and off like pumping water from a well?
Christina wiped away her tears with the back of her hands. She was so hurt that he could believe the rumours about her, but she supposed she couldn’t blame him. He was a duke.
He owned a magnificent estate, owned a mining business, and was very wealthy. There would be many unscrupulous people out there who would take advantage of him, given half the chance.
A lot of confidence women, as well as common fortune hunters, who would try to take him for a ride if given the opportunity. He would be a fool not to be cautious.
But I am not one of them. I do not know who I am, or what my life was like before I came here, but I do know that. I know that I have integrity.
A wave of furious indignation swept over her. She was an honest person – she knew that. She was genuinely suffering from memory loss, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to recover it completely. The vivid dreams and fleeting flashbacks she had of random people and things were not enough – it wasn’t happening quickly enough. How could she make herself remember her life?
She realized she was gripping her knees so tightly her knuckles were white. Slowly, she exhaled, getting to her feet. Instinctively, she started heading towards the stables. She didn’t even realize she was going there until she was upon them.
She slipped inside, making sure that no one saw her, her heart beating hard as she walked to the stable at the end, which contained the handsome black horse she had been riding on the day of her accident. The horse that held the key to who she really was.
The horse was leaning over the stable door as if it realized she was coming. Christina ran to it, crooning to it sweetly, stroking its glossy nose, admiring its beauty.
I love this horse with my whole heart. I know that I do, yet I cannot remember why. I cannot remember when I first got this horse, our first ride together, or anything about my relationship with the animal. Why? Why won’t my memory return? What am I trying to forget … what is my mind trying to shield from me?
She stared into the soft brown eyes of the beast, willing the memories to return, but it was as useless as always. It just wasn’t happening. She let out a sob of pure frustration. The horse nickered, pressing its nose against her as if trying to comfort her.
Suddenly, she knew what she needed to do. She needed to ride the horse. She needed to leave the estate entirely, to feel the wind on her face, her hair streaming behind her.
She needed to get away from this pressure just for a little while. And who knew – maybe riding the horse by herself, over these hills, might spark a memory within her mind, leading to the recovery of her entire life’s memories. At the very least, it couldn’t hurt.
As she led the horse from the stable, saddling it, she tried to ignore the deep hurt within her heart, pushing aside thoughts of the duke entirely. She couldn’t make him believe she was an honest person. She couldn’t make him love her, either. Now, she just wanted her old life back. Whatever it had been.
***
Sebastian hurried down the garden path, searching for Georgina. Mrs Sollock had told him that she had seen her entering the gardens but didn’t know what direction she had gone.
The housekeeper’s eyes had been filled with sympathy as if she knew how hard this was for him. How hard he was battling to figure out the truth of this.
He stopped abruptly, gazing around, as he reached a fork in the paths leading in two directions. The sun was shining brightly on his face. He squinted, contemplating both of them, wishing he could figure out which one she had taken.
I cannot believe it has come to this. I cannot believe that I am seriously considering that she might be a confidence woman. I rescued her from the pit with my own arms. I know how injured she was … and how dazed and confused when she finally regained consciousness.
He hesitated. The rumours about Georgina had been gaining ground, whipping around the estate with lightning speed.
Mrs Sollock had informed him that the servants were whispering about Georgina in their quarters, and no matter how firmly the housekeeper told them off, they kept doing it.
The scandal was taking on a life of its own … and no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that he shouldn’t listen to gossip, the doubts had entered his mind and his heart, worming their way in like poisonous asps and lodging there.
His heart tensed. He must find her. He could see how distressed she was when she had left the study, and it had broken his heart. He didn’t know what he believed anymore … only that he didn’t want to see her so upset.
Suddenly, he saw Hawkins, the stable master, walking towards him. The man’s face was grim.
