Page 16 of Matters of a Duke's Heart
Because she would the Duchess of Langdon.
She would leave—
Heavens. She would leave Daphne behind.
Her knees buckled as she staggered to her bed, needing that simple comfort. Her hands clenched in the sheets below her as if that would ground her better than anything.
Her mind spun and tossed, never settling on one place long enough to make sense of anything. The duke’s sharp gaze surrounded her even when she closed her eyes, and Felicity’s breath came out in a hasty panic.
Soon, she would have to go downstairs for dinner, but she could not face her mother’s joy, her father’s approval, and Daphne’s own excitement, for her sister was to be a duchess, and that was indeed an honor that would elevate her own debut.
Hunched over on her bed, Felicity broke down. She broke down away from prying eyes because she would not be able to escape the watch of her parents over the next four days. That was all she had left: four days of freedom.
But what if this new life could allow me freedom?
The thought was pointless. What freedom would there be in a marriage she was obligated to see through? She would never get another chance at love, at a match, at being wed. She had not even known the romantic ways of a courtship.
There was no wooing, no attempt at affection, no discussion of a good life together. There had been a simple transaction, and Felicity’s consent that she had no choice but to give.
When the door creaked open, Felicity stiffened and didn’t look up, not until she heard her sister’s soft voice. “Felicity?”
Slowly, Felicity lifted her head. She didn’t want her sister to see her in a state. After all, she was the eldest, and she had prided herself on always being there for Daphne.
It never should have been the other way around, yet she couldn’t keep her wits and stiff upper lip about herself, not as her sister’s concerned gaze fell on her.
“Oh, Felicity,” Daphne whispered, sweeping to her side at once. She sat down in a rustle of skirts next to Felicity on the bed, already reaching for her hand. “You are overwhelmed. Do not worry, sister. His Grace has already assured Mama and Papa that he will handle everything for you.”
That is half the problem, Felicity did not say.
“I should not shut myself away up here, but I confess I cannot endure our mother’s happiness further.”
“Whyever not?” Daphne looked more confused than judgmental. “I know it has not been a conventional set-up but… surely you are happy? You are marrying a duke, Felicity. Is that not wonderful news?”
“It ought to be, yes. But…” Felicity glanced hopelessly to her bedroom door. Her mother’s voice floated up from downstairs. “Daph, I did not choose this.”
At that, her sister’s face pinched in sorrow as she finally understood. Her fingers against Felicity’s own were a strange comfort, and not one Felicity liked needing. But she did. Not knowing when she would have this chance, to simply sit quietly with her sister in comfort, in solace, she tightened her hold on Daphne.
“I…” Felicity swallowed, trying to tighten her mouth, trying to hold back the words, thinking she ought to not burden her sister with her woes. But Daphne’s pretty eyes remained on hers, steady and grounding. “I understand why it has been arranged, and I must see it through, but I wanted—” She cut herself off with a terrible sigh, fighting back another wave of tears. “I wanted love, Daphne. I wanted romance—to be swept off my feet. To… to have a great love like those I read in books.”
A tear slipped down her cheek and she hurried to wipe it away.
“I wanted anything but this,” she whispered. “And I fought such a marriage for so long.”
“His Grace is good,” Daphne said softly. “He is handsome, and well-enough liked. Of course, there are the nasty rumors, but Mama says it is nothing. Felicity, he can be good to you. Good for you. Love can be on the horizon with him.”
Felicity flinched, shaking her head. “How dreadful to consider.”
Daphne gave a helpless laugh as she pulled Felicity close, embracing her. “Perhaps not so dreadful. You do not know what is around the corner, dear sister. Love can knock upon the door at any time, is that not what you told me before my debutante ball when I worried all my suitors would be very old men? You told me to give chances to men who made me smile.”
“His Grace has not made me smile,” Felicity muttered uselessly.
“And you have known him one afternoon. He has time yet.”
But how could Felicity explain that, from the duke’s behavior, he didn’t seem to want time to get to know her? That he only wanted a mother for his son, and was not even granting them the chance to get to know one another ahead of being wed?
“And if it does not happen then that is it.” Her declaration gave out in a pained whisper as she looked back at her sister. “I will be trapped in a loveless marriage forever.”
“Never trapped,” Daphne swore with a hard shake of her head. “No, never trapped, and you will also never be alone. No matter what happens, Felicity, you will not be alone. I believe this could be a good decision, and I believe you must give both yourself and His Grace a chance and if… if love does not happen…” Daphne trailed off, seemingly unsure of what else to say, so Felicity took up the mantle, as she often had over the years anyway.
