Page 65 of Matters of a Duke's Heart
She cared about how much he had hurt her, and how greatly she wanted to part from him to collect her thoughts in her own time.
She had not slept all night, too restless, and the humiliation had burned her right through, grounding her with a reality she didn’t want to face: Spencer did not love her, and she was foolish to think he might.
Her anger flared all over again as she buried her face deeper into the pillow. She did love him. Love was a beautiful and terrifying word for her, a page that existed in books only.
But that was what she felt for him—and what he did not feel for her.
Exhausted by the crash of her heartbreak and departure from Bluebell, the guilt of not bidding Alexander goodbye, Felicity cried until she fell into a heavy sleep.
***
“I did not want to attend tonight, Mama,” Felicity muttered under her breath as she descended into the ballroom.
Eyes slid over her, and she was so acutely aware of how guests immediately started speaking with one another as they looked at her, all of them likely questioning where her husband was.
“And I did not want to have to explain why my daughter, the Duchess of Langdon, could not even show up at her parents’ own ball,” her mother smoothly replied, her smile broad and unwavering. She caught wind of some questions about the duke’s whereabouts and raised her voice. “Ah, His Grace is ever so ailed. A terrible headache. Indeed, it must be from working so tirelessly!”
Felicity stayed silent, her chin held high and simply looked at the back of the room. Her mother was still answering questions that were not directly asked to her face, and Felicity could only hope the night was short.
But as she was about to beg her mother to stop, Felicity caught sight of familiar blond hair pulled into that same, slicked-back style.
Lord Radcliffe.
Her heart thudded when she saw that he trailed Daphne out onto the balcony, who Felicity knew had gone in search of Lord Wexley. Felicity had been so excited by the prospect that she had urged her sister to go out to the balcony to find him, certain he had gone there.
And yet…
Lord Radcliffe followed her.
“Excuse me,” she muttered and pulled away from her mother. But as she weaved her way through the crowd, she stopped short when she saw dark hair curling into a stiff collar, and broad, proud shoulders. When Felicity blinked, more people had moved in the way and Felicity could not spare a moment to linger and look again.
Everybody would be so confused at her mother’s claims if it was him, but Felicity’s heart broke too much to think of seeing her husband now.
She hurried back in the direction of the balcony, but before she could make her way there, she saw him again. Spencer.
This time, he looked at her, their eyes meeting through the crowd.
No, she thought. Please, not right now. I cannot handle seeing you right now.
But he was making his way through the crowd. Sure enough, confused murmurs rippled through the guests. Felicity could scarcely care about them, not when her husband’s eyes locked onto hers, icier than usual.
This felt more like the man who she had married initially: more reserved, intimidating, but as soon as he was close enough, his voice was softer than she expected.
“I must speak with you, Felicity,” he urged.
“Not here,” she answered. “Do not do this here, Spencer, please.” Already, people were peering in their direction.
“I will not leave without you talking to me.”
“Then you are as ignorant as ever and have completely misunderstood my pain,” she snapped. The harshness came out without her entirely meaning it to. “I am sorry, it is just—I left for space. You demanding my attention now is not giving me that.”
“Felicity, you cannot just walk out of our home. You cannot—you cannot walk out on me.” In the following silence, she swore she heard on Alexander.
“I cannot, and do not want to, speak with you right now, Spencer,” she muttered. “I am sorry. I just—I cannot.”
“Felicity—”
“Do not cause a scene,” she whispered, and he jerked back. “It was you who told me to think about how all of this will look to the ton.”
