Page 48 of Unwell
Maybe I could…
The thought slid into me like a nasty little blade. Horrifying at first. But it quickly grew roots that wrapped around my chest.
I could save the baby. Save it from Robert. Save it from a fate more hideous than most people could dream up.
I could give it all the love and safety I’d been waiting to give to a little bundle of joy.
The more I let myself imagine it, the more it took shape. A sweet little babe with Ginny’s big blue eyes and her soft blonde hair. Ruddy-cheeked and sweet. Nights of rocking it in my arms while singing soft lullabies. The life Robert had always promised me and never delivered.
I didn’t need Robert.
I didn’t need his hands or his lies.
Money would be tricky, but many people have got by on less.
I didn’t need him at all.
For the first time in years, strength stirred in me. Fragile but alive.
Later, I caught sight of Ginny.
She was across the hall, seated near the window in one of the day rooms. The weak light framed her in a gentle glow. Like an angel. Her cropped hair hung uneven against her face, her gaze fixed on something I couldn’t see. One hand stroked absently over her stomach, soothing the child within.
My steps slowed.
The bump was tremendously full, the fabric of her nightgown pulled tight. The fabric rippled as my child moved beneath.
I hoped we could raise it together. No longer Robert’s, but Ginny’s and mine. A child loved by two women who wanted to love a child so badly.
My chest ached at the hunger I felt.
She turned her head then, finding me across the room. A soft look crossed her face.
I raised my hand, greeting both her and the little one inside.
Our baby.
TWENTY-NINE
GINNY
Nurse Nancy hadn’t come to see me in days. Not since Elijah came.
Had I dreamt that she’d seen us together, or was it real? It felt like she was avoiding me because she was angry at seeing him with me. I hoped she hadn’t told the doctors that Elijah broke in, because he hadn’t visited since then either.
My back ached as I paced the day room, watching Larry scatter handfuls of crumbs across the grass outside. Still trying to find his friends. Perhaps I should have told him about the one I’d found strung up in my ribbon, but I didn’t want to set him off worrying or causing a fuss which might have him dragged downstairs.
I wrapped my last ribbon around my fingers before tugging it free. Wrap. Tug. Wrap. Tug. Nancy had promised me more, but she’d lied. Maybe she was punishing me like Mama did.
The other patients sat staring at their laps or the wall. Listening to the radio droning on in the corner. Wellard was either pure boredom, or torture, and very little in between.
I shifted from foot to foot, trying to release the pain in my hips. The baby would come soon, already the pressure had moved from up in my ribs to between my thighs. Every step hurt.
The air in the room was rank. Sticky and humid as the wet day turned warm. I itched to get out. To get away from the monotony for even a few minutes. Every sound in the room grated at my nerves. The squeak of chairs and the scuff of slippers. The wet smack of someone’s tongue. The never-ending ticking of the damned wall clock, just making every minute seem endless.
I needed to get out. The one silver lining of the shit staff was that no one stopped me from going out and losing myself in the woods. Knotting my ribbon in my hair, I stepped out into the hall.
Unease followed me, as it so often did in the quiet moments in the asylum.
