Page 30 of Kenan's Mate
The wind picks up, and Kenan guides me away from the gravestone.
I’m chilled to the bone and shocked to my core. My mind reels with the possibilities of how Ellonia died and why Kenan has decided to reveal where his first mate is buried. I hope and pray he didn’t kill her. Kleaxian males aren’t allowed to kill females, but perhaps being a prince makes him above the law.
If I learn he killed her, my heart will shatter beyond repair.
Despite all he’s done to me, I’ve never been able to hate him, and I don’t want to believe he’s that cruel and twisted.
We return to his estate, and he leads me to our bedroom, where I’m certain he’s going to hurt me. His mood is a black starless night, and I don’t think any amount of reasoning will penetrate his darkness.
He strips off my wet gown, leaving me naked and colder still.
“Do you think I killed her, Laylah?”
He tips my chin up and gives me no choice but to gaze into his eyes. Are they the eyes of a murderer? Well, yes. I’m certain he killed human males during the attack on theStargazer. But killing a defenseless female is completely different. I can forgive him for defending his way of life and eradicating the human invaders, as he calls them, but I can’t forgive cold blooded murder.
“I…” Pausing, I try to step back, but he jerks me forward.
“Be honest. Do you think I killed her?”
“Kenan, please, I—”
“Answer the question!”
“Yes!” I should lie and say no, but the truth is, I think he got angry and beat his first wife to death one day. I think he’ll do the same to me, if I displease him enough. So I don’t lie to him because, if he senses I’m lying, he might hurt me worse than he already plans to. In my peripheral vision, I spy the belt on the floor, and a shudder winds through me.
He releases my chin and backs away. His eyes are sadder than I’ve ever seen, so sad I wonder if he might start crying. Even if he regrets killing Ellonia, and even if it was an accident, I can’t possibly forgive him such a violent and merciless act. A numbing sense of dread spreads over me, a shield to protect my heart from breaking. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to develop feelings for Kenan in the first place. He plucked me off a spaceship after conquering my people, considering me nothing but the spoils of war.
He stares out the window for several long moments, before finally turning to meet my gaze.
“I didn’t kill her, Laylah. We were bonded together. She was my mate and I loved her very much. But she kept disobeying my rule about not walking alone in the forest. Her childhood home was at the bottom of the mountain and there weren’t any dangers in the forest there, and she refused to listen when I spoke of the predators that lurked this high on the mountain.” He gestures to the outside. “The force field hasn’t always been around my house. It’s a new installation.”
“I-I’m so sorry, Kenan.”
God, I feel awful. For his loss and for thinking he murdered his mate. A mix of remorse and utter relief washes through me, and I lower my head as tears prick in my eyes. The numbing sense of dread has melted away, leaving my heart once again unprotected.
“It’s my fault she died, though. I should have punished her more severely the next-to-last time she went for a walk alone. There are bears and huge cats on the mountain. They rarely approach a Kleaxian male, and won’t approach people in groups, but they sometimes pose a threat to a lone female. Ellonia wasn’t much taller than you. It was early in the morning when I heard her screams all the way from town. A bear was attacking her, and though I managed to tear the beast off her and snap its neck, she died before I could rush her to a doctor.”
His eyes are so haunted and so desolate I move closer and capture his hands. I brush his hair from his face and try to think of the right thing to say. I’ve never been good at knowing what to say. After my brother died, I used to spend hours in my room, trying to think of the magic words that would make my mother stop crying. But I learned words can’t help ease grief, and neither can making wishes on stupid fucking stars, only time and quiet companionship can.
“So, you see, I can’t promise not to punish you harshly, Laylah. If I believe an especially severe punishment is warranted, then that’s the punishment you will receive. Your safety and wellbeing is important to me. I won’t lose you, Laylah. I won’t fail you the way I failed Ellonia.”
Though Kenan’s softly spoken declaration fills me with dread and sends my heart sinking to the floor, I at least understand his reasoning, and I don’t think he’s an absolute monster for issuing such a frightful promise. He actually believes he could have saved Ellonia if he’d beaten her harshly enough after she first disobeyed his orders. If he’d beaten enough fear into her.
Not for the first time, I wish I was wired like a Kleaxian female, perfectly used to being subservient to my mate and accepting of harsh punishments. Life on Tallia would be so much easier. My heart aches and I wonder if I’ll ever adapt to Kleaxian customs.
“Kenan, what happened to Ellonia isn’t your fault. It was an accident. You tried your best to save her.”
He stiffens and glares down at me. “If I’d given her a severe flogging the first time she went for a walk in the woods alone, instead of spanking her, perhaps she would still be alive.” He closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them, his pupils have dilated almost completely, a sight I haven’t beheld since the night he claimed me. “The human in me caused me to be too lenient with her. Though I’ve no specific ancestral memories from my human forefathers, I have a sense of what it is to be human. Humans are so much weaker and softer than Kleaxians. Compassion is a human weakness.”
“Kenan, you must remember that while you’re half-human, I’m all human. The thought of a spanking unnerves me, let alone a flogging so harsh it draws blood. Please understand I’m not Kleaxian. I know I’ll never see Earth again and I must strive to make the best of my life on Tallia, but I can’t flip a switch in my head and accept you have the right to beat me bloody, even if I gravely disobey you in some manner. I’ll never accept that, Kenan, and I won’t apologize for it.”
Backing away from him, I turn and slowly amble to the window. Like the wind, the drizzle permeates the force field. The cool, tiny droplets enter to caress my face and mingle with the wet warmth of my tears. I run a hand through my damp hair and turn to meet Kenan’s stone cold gaze.
“Do you know why I took you from theStargazer, Laylah? Why I took you instead of another female?”
I give a small shake of my head. Anxiety quickens my pulse. We’re having a hell of a conversation, and I fear the outcome. What if he decides to demonstrate his seriousness and whips me until he draws blood? I shudder at the prospect and wrap my arms around my center.
Kenan crooks a finger at me, gesturing for me to come closer. Leaving the window, I return to stand in front of him. “Why did you take me?” My question escapes as the faintest whisper, barely audible over the breeze.
