Page 32 of Papa's Desires
Papa pulled up a chair and sat upon it, then nodded to her. “You maybegin.”
* * *
Cammie’s baretoes wiggled on the carpet as anxiety rolled through her. She could not remember exactly everything she had said in the letter, but she knew it was naughty. Shamefullynaughty.
She licked her lips and swallowed past the dry lump in her throat and commenced the reading of her ownwords.
“My dearest Hyacinth,” shesaid,
“Please speak up, Cammie, I cannot hearyou.”
“Yes, Papa,” she said, dread swirling in her tummy. She cleared her throat and continued. “It was absolutely charming to hear from you. I apologize for not replying sooner, but my duties as Lady Cavendish are extensive and I am quite busy with household matters, balls and social calls, as a proper lady often is. However, as Lord Cavendish is away from home this morning attending to some of his many important duties, I am delighted that I finally have time to catch up on mycorrespondence.”
She glanced up at Papa. “You certainly sound like a busy lady,” he said. “Funny that I do not recall us attending any balls. Have you been going out withoutme?”
Embarrassed, Cammie looked at the floor. “No, Papa. I-I just wanted to impress myfriends.”
“Hmm,” Papa said. “It would seem to me that the great benefit of friends is that it is not necessary to put on airs forthem.”
“Y-yes, Papa,” she replied. “I should not have donethat.”
“I agree. Please continue.” He nodded for her to keepreading.
“How are you and all my old friends at Talcott House? It seems ever so long since we have seen each other. Much has happened and I feel that it was ages ago when we were all spending time together in the gardens, though in fact it has only been a fewweeks.”
Cammie sure wished she was back at Talcott House now. Her bottom clenched up, thinking about how this little session was likely toend.
“And now you are to be married too! How exceptionally lovely! I hope that we will be able to meet in person once you have married and left Talcott House. The door to Ashton Manor is always open to you and I hope you will not feel intimidated by my sudden ascension to the highest ranks of society as you will always be my own dear,Cynny.”
Hearing her words aloud, Cammie could not believe how snooty she sounded. She glanced from the letter up at Papa. “That does not sound very nice, doesit?”
“No, Camellia, it does not. I am very disappointed that you would say something so condescending to anyone, let alone someone you claim as afriend.”
When Papa had instructed her to read the letter to him, Cammie knew she would be humiliated by the naughty things she shared with Cynny, but she felt utterly miserable at being mean and high handed with her friend. She missed everyone at Talcott House, even bossy Garland, but she had written to Cynny like she was beneath Cammie’s notice. She sniffled and ran to Papa, wrapping her arms around his waist. He relented and pulled her onto his lap, holding herclose.
He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped away her tears. “Tell me why you are so sad, little Cammie.” His warm voice and caring touch made Cammie feel better and worse at the same time. Better because he made her feel loved and protected. Worse, because she realized what an ingrate she was and that she did not deserve a papa as wonderful ashers.
After a couple of ragged breaths, she told him. “Papa, I have been so fortunate in my marriage to you. You are better than I deserve and then to speak so atrociously to Cynny and, in a way, my other friends at Talcott House—Oh, Papa, I am the worst kind of hypocrite. And an even worse friend.” She buried her face in his shoulder and he rubbed her back, whispering calmingwords.
Once she had settled down, she looked up at him. “Papa, I need to make amends toCynny.”
“Yes, I believe you do and I am proud of you for recognizing your poor behavior without me pointing it out. We shall discuss all of that later, but now there is the matter of reading the rest of your letter.” He set her back on her feet and gave her bottom a slap. “Back to your readingposition.”
Cammie returned to her reading spot, determined to do as Papa instructed and to take any punishment he meted out without complaint. She wanted to be a better person. Truly she did. Papa would help her, she knewit.
Still, there was the matter of the humiliating letter. She cleared her throat and moved to the next paragraph. “Your curiosity about what happens between married men and women is understandable. I felt much the same way until my dear papa taught me so many exceptional and pleasurableactivities.”
She looked up at Papa and smiled. He gave her a stern look and wound his finger in a circle to indicate that she was to get on withthings.
“Have you had your special examination from Nurse Lister? I shall acknowledge I found the whole thing rather distressing and confusing until the very end when Miss Wickersham assisted in helping me to achieve myrelease.”
Cammie snuck a peek at Papa and he raised an eyebrow. “I may wish to hear more about that at a later time,” hesaid.
Cammie felt herself flush again, but warmth built in her kitty too. She found her voice and continued. “A release is another word for climax. A climax is the best feeling in the entire world and I hope your papa is able to give you many of them. It is hard to describe the exact sensation. It will build up—sort of like a kettle that is put on to boil—as the water heats up, the surface is sort of shimmery and quivery until a few bubbles break through. That’s how my skin feels, sort of prickly and tingly, then the bubbles get bigger and the water is covered with popping bubbles that keep getting hotter and hotter until the steam sets the kettle off in a blast of heat. And that is how your insides will feel as your climax builds up andup.”
“Is that true, little Cammie? Is a climax the most wonderful feeling in the entireworld?”
“Yes, Papa,” she said, her voice catching with emotion. “You make me veryhappy.”
