Page 34 of Savage Daddies
I blink rapidly and take a long sip of my orange juice, hoping none of my mates notice I’ve become emotional. Thankfully, they don’t say anything, though Daddy Erik does give me a worried look. I smile at him and take a bite of my potatoes, then gaze out the window at the villagers passing by in the street. Most are men, but I do spy two women, as well as a handful of children.
This reminds me once again that people arebornin the wildlands, actually born, and there’s a good chance that one day I’ll fall pregnant. I look at my daddies, wondering what it might be like to have children with them. A sudden stab of self-consciousness afflicts me, and I drop my fork on the table. Four sets of eyes peer at me in concern. I force a smile and retrieve my fork, but Daddy Gage puts a hand on mine, stilling my movements.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Nothing.”
“Josie.” Daddy Axel stares at me. “You’re easy to read. Whenever you’re upset, the light in your eyes dims and a crease appears between your brows.”
I straighten and try to make myself look normal, but it’s no use. They already know something has upset me. Until this moment, I never considered what it would be like to become a mother. I never had a mother. I had Minders in the group home, but they weren’t kind or affectionate. They weren’t like my daddies. I gulp hard and peer from brother to brother, trying to find the words to express my sudden concern.
“People are born in the wildlands,” I say in a shaky tone, gesturing out the window, where I just saw children walking by. “What-what if I become a mother? I don’t know how to be a mother. I-I never had one. I don’t know if I can.” Panic fills me and I push back from the table, my appetite gone.
Daddy Nash scoots back from the table and reaches for me, lifting me in his arms and cradling me in his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and shudder. Maybe this world is too different from the one I grew up in. Maybe I don’t belong here, after all.
“When and if you become pregnant, Josie, we’ll be here for you. We will help you and guide you in the proper way to be a mother. However, I have a feeling the instinct will come to you quite naturally once you give birth.”
“But I wasn’t born. What if I don’t have those instincts? I-I was manufactured.”
“It doesn’t matter how you came into this world, little girl. You have a kind heart, and I believe you will be a wonderful mother.” He rocks me gently and my worry begins to lessen, if only a little.
I hope he’s right. The idea of holding a baby in my arms seems strange and surreal. If I do have a child, will I succeed in caring for a baby in the way of the natural world?
The uncertainty tugs at my heart and I snuggle deeper into Daddy Nash’s embrace.
Chapter Fifteen
Four days pass andI remain in the cabin, taking it easy as ordered. I spend hours upon hours reading in the living room. To my delight, there are countless banned books on the shelves, and I excitedly delve into those.1984. Lord of the Flies. Animal Farm. Fahrenheit 451. Brave New World. When Daddy Axel sees the pile of books I’ve read, he compliments me on picking the best of the classic novels. I devour each page and sometimes have to pause in a moment of transcendence when I realize why a particular novel must have been banned in the techno-cities.
The Wise Leaders don’t want us to question their authority. The Wise Leaders want us to trust them without question. The characters in many of these banned books have doubts about their government, or they question their place among men, or they eventually realize their whole world is a sham. Or true justice isn’t served when it ought to be. Wrongfully accused people suffer, while guilty, often privileged, members of society flourish and have the grandest of lives.
The main idea, I realize, is that the characters of these banned novels aren’t allowed to live in freedom, not real freedom. Not like in the wildlands.
As I sit in the living room on a rainy morning with a copy ofTo Kill a Mockingbirdin my hand, I take a deep breath as I realize—and not for the first time—just how lucky I am. I’m no longer a slave to the ideas of the Wise Leaders. They might have manufactured me, but I’m still an individual. I have my own thoughts and ideas. I’m unique enough that I questioned my place in Emerald. That has to count for something.
My heart clenches. Maybe it means I really will be a good mother. I place a hand on my stomach, even though I doubt I’ve fallen pregnant so soon. I imagine having children with my mates and starting our own family together, and despite my previous hesitation, I’m starting to believe it would be a wondrous experience.
