Page 41 of Serpentine Valentine
The me I played at being hadn’t felt right for a very long time, but now I felt almost sick assuming the role.
Pierce made it a little easier just by being him, so I took that minute to watch him exist in my space. He was comfortable there, swaying his slim hips in low-hung gray sweatpants that molded beautifully to his hockey player’s bubble butt and thick thighs. He sang freely to Hozier’s “Talk,” his voice low and smooth. Meatballs were sautéing on the stovetop along with a bubbling pot of water for pasta he’d rolled out by hand. His confidence and competency reminded me slightly of Lex.
What a weird thought, one that cramped my stomach again like something worse than period aches.
I forced myself across the small living room into the kitchen and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek to his back. He smelled like pleasant male sweat and the Old Spice of his deodorant.
Unexpectedly, tears sprang to my eyes and leaked into the material of his white tee.
“Hey,” he said, hugging my arms to his washboard stomach. “Hey, pretty girl, what’s wrong?”
I wasn’t ready to tell him, not really. Not when my emotions and thoughts were clear as sludge circling the drain, threatening to take me under.
But I also didn’t have the capacity to lie to him.
I’d never been a liar, even when it would have behooved me to be so. I was a crappy poker player as a result, but I secretly loved my integrity. It was one of the few character strengths Mom had ever complimented me on too.
“I think we need to break up,” I whispered brokenly.
His hands spasmed over my arms. Slowly, he maneuvered us around until we were facing each other and then gently, like I might run away, he cupped my face in his huge hands. His gorgeous eyes tracked my tearstained face, searching for answers. Honestly, I hoped he found them. It would make everything a lot easier.
“Come sit with me, okay?” When I nodded, he turned down the burners and moved us to my vintage love seat.
Usually, he’d complain about how uncomfortable the Queen Anne couch was, but he sat lengthwise and mutely encouraged me to sit in the bracket of his open thighs.
“I think I need space to do this,” I admitted.
His fingers clenched on my hips as he settled me closer, facing him, enclosed by him. “No, if it’s all right, I think you should stay right here. Whatever you have to say to me, Lune, I want you to know that I’m always here for you. No matter what.”
A sob burst into my mouth, but I trapped it behind my lips.
“Breathe,” he coaxed, rubbing my arms.
“I don’t know what to say, really.” I pressed one hand to my churning stomach and attacked my other thumbnail with my teeth. “Everything is jumbled. I feel like the last few days have changed me somehow.”
“What happened?” No judgment, just an open expression and support.
God, I wanted to love him. How much easier it would have been to love this perfect boy. Instead, I was drawn inexorably to a complicated girl who redefined what it was to be emo.
“I met someone,” I said so softly, I barely formed the words in my throat.
Pierce’s face tightened, then slowly relaxed. “Okay… And you want to be with them?”
“I-I honestly don’t know. I just don’t want to be in a relationshipwith you when I have this…this thing burning inside me.”
“You’re in love with him?” he asked, the first signs of anger burning the edges of his words.
“Not love.” I laughed hollowly at the thought. I’d never thought I was capable of such passion or bravery.
It occurred to me that I’d been floating along on the easy current of who I thought I was supposed to be based on other people’s judgments for all the twenty-one years of my life. How sad was that?
I sucked in a deep breath, trying to channel some of Lex’s unflappable strength. “Not love, but I’ve never felt like this before. I’m so sorry, Pierce.”
He sucked in a huge breath, held it for a moment, and then let it all out in a rush between his teeth. “Okay, yeah, I’m not gonna lie and say that doesn’t kill me a little. I was half in love with you before you even gave me the time of day.”
I barked out a surprised laugh, then covered my mouth with my hand. “You were not.”
“Oh totally,” he said with a wry grin. “I wouldn’t shut up about you to the guys. They thought I was pussy-whipped.” He rolled his eyes. “They’re idiots, but they’re my idiots, and they were right in a way. I was like enchanted with you or something.”
