Page 61 of Second Chance Wedding
“Why don’t you date? Is it because of me?”
Ana tilted her head to the side as she stared at Ben.Hard place meet Rock.
“You can’t lie, Mom. You said you wouldn’t. I’ve…seen how men look at you. If I wasn’t around, would you go out with them?”
How did she explain that so many people had abandoned him, she refused to bring anyone else into their lives that might do the same? She couldn’t stand the thought of Ben getting close to a man she dated only to have him leave Ben behind should things not work out. “I don’t date because of…both, I guess. I mean, dating ishard, Ben. It takesa lotof energy and time, and you know I don’t have a lot of free time the way it is. Plus, I don’t want to lose what time I get to spend with you, especially not with you getting older and talking about joining the military.”
“You only heard that today. You can’t use that as an excuse,” he mumbled after taking a drink of his soda.
Ana smiled and leaned back when the waiter brought their food and set the plates in front of them. She waited until he walked away before she continued. “Well, it’s true, regardless. You’re growing up, and I am well aware of the fact that my time with you is getting less and less every day. I’m selfish. I don’t want to share it.”
She stared at Ben and placed her perfectly cornered napkin on her lap before picking up her fork even though she still had no appetite.
“That makes sense. Mason’s mom dates a lot. Mason’s said he never knows what guy’s gonna be in the house when he wakes up. I’d hate that. I’m glad you’re my mom and not her.”
Tears instantly filled her eyes, and she blinked hard, unwilling to ruin the moment because she knew it would embarrass Ben if someone saw her crying.
Ben inhaled a deep breath and exhaled in a rush of sound. “But I am sorry my dad bailed on you and you got stuck with me.”
For the second time that day, her fork fell to her plate with a clatter. Ana rushed to snatch it up, glad the restaurant was relatively empty, and no one seemed to pay any attention. “Ben, baby, I amnotstuck with you. I’ve always wanted you. You have nothing to be sorry for. Do I make you feel this way? Because I don’t…I don’t like to talk about him?”
“I know who he is.”
She blinked. “You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Who… Did someone tell you? Are you okay? Is this why you’ve been acting out? You’re angry about…the past and now and…everything?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I just don’t get why you never told me his name. Or why you avoid talking about him.”
Her heart sank, and even though she knew this conversation would take place at some point, she hated that it had to be today. “Honestly, Ben, I just…didn’t want you to expect something from someone who couldn’t—wouldn’t—give you what you deserve.”
“Like his name?”
She nodded, her stomach churning with unease. “His name, his time and attention,” she said softly. “I…wanted to protect you, and I thought…I thought Iwasprotecting you by not telling you. Like, maybe you wouldn’t miss something you never knew. That sounds awful, doesn’t it? Of course, you miss having a dad. I’m sorry??—”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. I should’ve done better. I just thought the less you knew, the less it would hurt that he wasn’t around. Does that make sense?”
She watched as he considered her words, her anxiety growing with every second that passed.
“It does. How did you meet? When? Seems like it had to be close to when you and Cole broke up. Am I right?”
“Oh, Ben.” Hadn’t they had enough deep revelations for the day?
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I was just curious.”
She stared into his father’s eyes and fought back the panic that surged inside of her. “You’re right. Cole and I broke up. I went out with friends, and your father and I met. Our…relationship didn’t last long.”
Please accept that and don’t ask for more.“Ben, if you’d like to talk to someone about all of this, a professional, I’ll make it happen. I can’t make you go, but please know that you can. I want you to have someone to talk to, someone you feel comfortable with. Just tell me and I’ll make the appointment.”
Ben gazed at her a long time and then nodded without comment, tucking into his food like only a teenaged boy could.
Ana eyed her plate and silently wondered if she’d ever be hungry again.
ChapterFourteen
