Page 134 of Obsidian and Frost
Then it had evolved into a great deal more.
Regret and grief that she’d moved forward with them while I’d been keeping my distance and erecting a wall between us, and now she had them instead.
And, yes, jealousy.
Without a doubt.
I hadn’t been able to cast that awful sensation away either.
It lingered.
I detested the taste of it.
It unsettled me that I was being afflicted with those emotions, that I was now failing to deny that she affected me so deeply.
Worse—that I wanted it. That I wanted to be the one creating those sensations in her too, that I wanted to be there with her. In every way imaginable.
“Please heed my words. Do not trouble yourself with this. Concentrate on living your life. On the good and positive. That cannot come to pass for you if you allow yourself to care for me. I am linked to a fate that does not allow for that.”
I gritted my teeth as I recalled those words I’d spoken to her when I’d first noticed her trying to draw closer to me.
I’d drawn a line that night.
Even after she’d liberated me from the Celestial Plane when I’d been trapped there following my fall, things between us had seemed possible, but I’d pushed her away yet again.
I’d been afraid for her, for what growing closer to me would do to her, the pain and depressiveness it would bring her.
At least that was what I’d told myselfandwhat I’d held onto all this time.
But the truth was—something the shock of her drawing close to Lazriel and Sylas had jarred me into acknowledging—was thatI’dbeen afraid for me as well. That I’d lose control of my faculties around her. That I’d succumb to the overwhelming feelings she inspired in me.
Footsteps sounded, jarring me from my thoughts. Thankfully.
I looked out to see students beginning to filter in through the majestic arched doors.
As I readied the levitating books to reflect the subject matter for this particular course, I heard whisperings, sounds of surprise and awe, and after I flicked to the correct page for my lecture today, I looked out to see several dozen students staring out at me as they took their seats.
What was—oh—of course.
I had garnered quite a reputation from my Celestial lineage alone, and the fact that I had been deeply involved in the Severance, playing a strategic role that had allowed it to come to pass, something I had almost perished for. I suppose it had been perceived as heroic in their minds. In fact, I knew it had. Ryker Morgan and Ariana had both warned me and informed me of the reality of my newfound celebrity.
But given that I spent my time either at Haven Initiative or at the apartment, I hadn’t encountered it as yet, not in these many months. Even when Ketheron and I ventured out to visit certain landmarks across the supernatural world, we did so under the cover of night.
I offered a lift of my chin and a polite smile, something I hoped would humanize me and ground me in reality for them, not keep me in a celebrity fantasy state.
That would really not be conducive to this lecture.
Some averted their gazes, others returned my mild gesture, while the remaining few settled themselves into class, readjusting their focus to the task at hand.
More filtered in and I concentrated on readying myself to discuss subject matter that was uncomfortably personal to me, but which needed to be learned by the next generation. Free will had almost been compromised entirely, that most certainly wasn’t something to merely shrug off. The fact that it hadn’t come to pass had been due to the supreme efforts and risk of a select few. It should never have reached that point in the first place and classes like this, learning from such awful mistakes, would go a long way to preventing any sort of re-occurrence like that from transpiring. It could not happen with the Celestial Plane because it was forever cut off from the mortal world, however violations of free will could happen in other forms, by others with great power. We were never safe from that whenthere were those who existed who valued power over life and liberation, so we had to do all that we could to guard against it.
I eyed the clock high up on the west wall.
I’d allowed for an extra minute before I marked the start of class.
I flicked my fingers at the door to seal it so that we could begin without interruptions from tardy students.
But a red glow shone, preventing it from closing, just as Sylas stumbled across the threshold, one hand fisted in Lazriel’s hair, his other grasping his rear as the two of them basically devoured one another’s mouths.
