Page 55 of One
“Time?”
“Your moving to Chicago wasn’t a coincidence. I did it. A colleague owed me, but after showing him your amazing resume, he was only happy to send the other medical examiner on an early retirement.”
“The fantastic job opportunity I received at Grand View was pushed by you?” My voice is filled with incredulity.
“You were alone and needed a change.” Meg doesn’t look ashamed in the least.
“How do you know that?”
“I kept an eye on you.” For twenty fucking years? “Your parents were good people, but a bit too set in their own ways. I needed to be sure you were safe. I’m sorry about them, by the way.”
I nod, feeling a knot twisting inside my throat. They did the best they could, even though they never saw me for who I am. Never totally accepted me. Would Raph do the same?
“Why didn’t Raph tell me he knew me? And about my past… He remembers, right?”
“He has a great episodic memory. Unfortunately… or fortunately. Don’t know why he didn’t tell you. You should ask him.”
I stand up, feeling unsteady on my feet. Or maybe it’s my head balance that’s off.
Another omission. Why did he hide this too?
“I’m in awe of you, Michael. You’ve turned out great. Living in society, after all you’ve suffered.”
Great? I don’t feel great at all. I’ve always been an outsider. I never felt like I belonged. Never fit in anywhere, even with my family. And I finally know why. From a medical and ethical standpoint, Meg did what she thought was best for me. She tried to give me a shot at anormallife. But what if I had stayed with her? With Raph?
It stings to think that I was the only one left alone, while they all remained together. They became a family, leaving me behind.
“So you’ve been examining me,” I say through gritted teeth.
“In a way. I just wanted to make sure you were doing well. Although I didn’t raise you, I always thought of you as one of my kids, Michael. I even gave you your name.”
“You did?” That fact oddly soothes me a bit.
“I named all of you. After the seven angels from the apocalyptic events in the Book of Revelation.”
Memories from my catholic upbringing resurface. “The seven angels that hold the bowls of God’s wrath?”
“The plagues God unleashes on the world to cleanse it. Do you remember the names of those angels?”
I search deep in my memory. “Michael is the warrior. Raphael the guardian. Sariel the… watcher?” That’s as much as I remember.
“Yes. Ramiel is the carrier of hope; he guides the souls to Heaven. Uriel carries wisdom and repentance, pitiless as a demon. Raguel delivers harsh judgment. And Gabriel is the messenger of God. I wanted all of you to overcome the darkness you’ve experienced, and giving you names of beings made of pure light seemed like a good start. Those angels help God to punish the evil on earth and that’s what we…” A light cough interrupts her words.
I feel like this is enough for now. She looks pale and I’m physically and mentally exhausted. Also, I feel unreasonably burnt by her decision to let me go. And by Raph’s silence… once again.
After making sure she’s fine, I walk to the door. My hand is on the doorknob when she adds in a soft voice, “You have been in my thoughts every day, Michael.” Her voice cracks, so she clears her throat before continuing. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, giving you away. I regretted it every single day. Doubts have been eating at me since then. And I still don’t know if I made the right call. But seeing you today with Raphael? He cannot love according to ordinary human standards. But he can feel deeply. Like all psychopaths, he wishes to be loved and cared for. But for most, that desire remains unfulfilled, because it is obviously not easy to get close to someone with such different personality characteristics. But you don’t mind those, do you?”
No, I don’t.
“I’ve never seen him acting so possessively and protectively toward anybody. It makes me think that maybe this is how it had to happen,” Meg finishes in a low murmur.
Tears fill my eyes, and this time, I cannot stop them.
“I’m sorry,” she adds, her voice as soft as butterflies’ wings.
“I know,” I whisper back on my way out of the room, not caring if she heard me or not.
TWO
