Page 35 of Happy Krampus Xmas & the Meet Not Cute
“So feisty, I bet Bez loves that.” He winks at my fiancé, earning an angry “back off” from him.
“Like I would hit on Gremlin.” Rami makes it sound ridiculous. I stomp on his foot, pressing hard with my high heel into his sneaker for a second too long before stepping back.
“Oops.” I stifle a smile behind my hand as he hops toward his boyfriend, whining like a baby. I sigh contently, petty revenges are so fulfilling!
“Ren, George was in my room,” Dare addresses his brother as he walks into the crowded living room with the black snake around his arm and his blind squirrel hanging from his neck.
“He likes your damn cookies-and-cream scented candle for some reason.” Ash scoffs and then oomphs as Ren elbows him in the gut.
Don’t know what’s weirder, a snake that likes to sniff candles or Dare buying a cookies-and-cream one.
“Your dog farts like a minigun.” Raph glares at Hunter as he moves Michael and him from the sofa to the armchair.
“I’ll happily kill him,” Uri offers, earning glowers from a few people in the room. He’s insufferable lately.
“It wouldn't help,” Michael says. “The canine body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.”
Sari adds, “The human body as well.”
Not wanting to hear more, I go hug Sully and Ollie and give Rague a pat on his mountainous pec.
“Gabriz, not bad,” I hear Opal telling Rami.
“By the way, we’ve changed our ship name to Ralie,” Rague announces. Rague plus Ollie. Ralie.
“What’s wrong with Ollague?” Rami asks, annoyed.
“It’s crap,” Uri replies.He’s not wrong.
I leave the presents Gabe and I brought near the piles under the tree. I guess we’ll exchange them later.
The bracelet Bez and Gabe gave me for Christmas feels cold on my wrist, but I’ll never take it off. For now, there’s only one ruby on it. Gabe will add a new one every year we are together, and since we’ll never part, I’m going to be covered in gems one daylike a bloody maharaja. Maybe I can even get myself a tiger—only if Wednesday likes her.
For now, I have to think about the biggest present I brought. It fits in my velvet dress pocket, and I feel like it’s making a hole in it.
“What’s with all the fidgeting?” Ollie asks me as I make my way back to them.
“What?” I fake ignorance, even though I know it’s useless with my bloodhound of a bestie…and his brother.
“You’re doing the duck dance.” Sully nods, confirming his sniffing skill.
“Rubbish. I’m perfectly still. Like an iguana waiting for its prey to get close.” I describe the perfect picture, at which Sully laughs.
“Do you feel a fiery sensation in your pants? Liar liar!” Ollie’s joke is not funny.
“You did something, and you need to tell us before you pop. What is it?” Sully asks. He tries to lean against the wall without measuring the distance well. Ollie and I grab him before he smashes his head against the hard surface.
“Alright?” I ask him. He nods a couple of times, embarrassment coloring his cheeks.
“Yo, want some?” Ren comes up with a bottle of Coke and a bunch of paper cups. We nod, and he starts pouring. Need to add some rum to it, though. It’s Krampus Day, and I need to celebrate.
“Isaid I wanted one!” Ash clips at his brother, reaching us.
“I didn’t hear you, buttface,” Ren replies, handing each of us a filled cup.
“Yes, you did, douchebag!”
“You’re always muttering away. Can’t expect me to listen to whatever you say. Plus, not even Dare heard you, and he was right next to you. Right, Dare?”
