Page 66 of Pragma
He can trust me and the rest of the crew. We would die for him—some of us already came close a few times. But that’s all I can give him. I'm nobody. Son of the worst scum.
“Does he really want to ruin a chance at becomingkumicho?To fulfill his family legacy. And for what?”
For. What.
Fun. That’s what he has with me, experimenting. He was never the mushy type. But he’s also never suggested there’s something more between us. He cares for me and trusts me completely; his possessiveness is over the top at times. He’s surprisingly indifferent to people—which is good in our line of work—he always puts his enjoyments first and forgets about the rest, but me. He never forgets about me. He looked at me without judgment from the beginning. Does that make it more than…fun?
And what about me? What is it that I actually feel? I’m not sure what to call this emotion anymore. It’s so much deeper than affection, and more wicked and sinful than love. It’s consuming, perverted, dark, excruciating at times. I tried so hard to swallowit, but it got stuck in my throat, and now it almost chokes me as it devours me from inside.
It started as an infatuation that turned into something more, day after day. Year after year. Lately, it morphed into an irresistible, obsessive passion that rages every time we touch.
Is this what Aki needs? What mywakagashiraneeds?
“He has to wake up. He needs someone to push him on the right path.”Kumichoseems to give an answer to my silent questions.
Is she asking me to make him go on those dates? Doing it would mean giving him up. Can I let go of him? Do I even have a choice? I knew from the start how this would end. Resentment starts boiling inside me. But it’s all futile. There’s nothing to do about it. Nothing at all.
“Understood,” I state, looking out the window. The sky looks dim and gray, a reflection of my mood.
“You’ll do what needs to be done.” Her commanding demand is clear. I don’t need it.
I know what I have to do. Not for her or the family. But for Aki. He’ll be a greatkumichoone day, and I want to help it happen.
“I need to go,” I abruptly declare. I’m rapidly starting to feel nauseated. I stand up without being dismissed by her, but I have to leave before I show how revolting what I’m about to do feels to me.
“Eleven o’clock. You’ll get the details by message. Take Aki to meet his next candidate. I’ll be there as well this time.”
My stomach churns at the thought of taking him to see another suitable partner.
I bow, and freeze for a moment when she adds in a cold tone, “Nukarunayo, gaijin. Tanondazo.”
I walk a few steps and stop in front of the door where one of her men is standing, obstructing my exit. My fists tense ready to strike but he quickly moves afterKumichoorders him to let me pass, and I hurry out, heading straight to the floor bathroom to splash cold water on my face.
I’ve been trying to live in the present. I pushed away thoughts of duty and obligations to the organization and the family. I decided to be selfish for once.
It ends now.
The taxi ride to the office goes by in a blur. When the elevators open on the floor, Masa is waiting for me, his back against the wall, legs crossed at the ankles.
“Boss.” He lowers his head at me.
“Problem?”
“I know what’s going on between you and Mr. Boss.” He doesn’t beat around the bush.
“Can you be more specific?”
“You’re shagging each other,” he clarifies. “I don’t want to be too presumptuous in guessing who is fucking whom.”
He’s such a cocky fucker and I have no patience at this moment. “And?”
“Aren’t you gonna try to deny it?” he asks, half surprised.
“You look quite convinced of it.” Have I been that transparent about my feelings for Aki among other people? Fuck!
He snorts. “I don’t know how the rest of the crew didn’t catch on. It’s like a foreplay fest every time you two are in the same room. All the stolen touches, secretive glances, and underlying messages. You pop stiffies.” He grimaces.
“Do you have a problem with that?” Is he going to blab toKumicho?
