Page 14 of Last Chance Seduction
Why was I acting like this?Lexington had been my friend.We had been friendly.Nice to each other.I didn’t know what it was that got my fur up when it came to him these days.But maybe it was because once again he had seen me at one of my lowest points.
There had been a reason I hadn’t invited anybody to Emily’s funeral.Because she hadn’t had one.She hadn’t wanted one.And I had acquiesced to her request.So nobody had been with me to say goodbye.It had just been me and her ashes, and a sense of loss that would never be repaired.
“Merce?What’s up?What’s wrong?”he asked as he reached out and slid his fingertips over my cheek.
I flinched and took a step back so my body pressed against my SUV.
“I’m fine.Just lost in thought.”
“Okay.I’m sorry.But for real though, you should be able to get all the work done you need to soon, okay?We’re almost done with the outdoor projects.Promise.”
“It’s your house, Lexington.Don’t worry about it.I know you already talked to everybody else about timing.I just wasn’t here for that.”
“I can still feel bad about it.”
“And I can still apologize for being grumpy.”
“You never need to apologize for that, Merce,” he said, his lips quirking into a smile.
I was aware that some of his team members, as well as probably a few Montgomerys, were stealing curious looks over at us, but I ignored them.It would be best for everybody if I continued to do that.
“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know we’ll be out of your hair soon.”
“Thanks.It’ll be nice actually, since I have a bunch of deadlines I want to get ahead of during the holidays.”
He frowned.“You’re going to be working the whole season?”
“Of course.It’s a great time for me to get some work done because there’s not that many people out and about.You know?”
He looked like he wanted to say something, but one of his crew called him over, and I waved him off.
“Get back to work, I’m going grocery shopping.”
“Okay.Yeah.Well, it’s good to see you, Merce.”
I nodded in answer, and he made his way back towards the house.
With a sigh, and wondering why everything just felt off, I got in my car and headed to the grocery store.
I wasn’t planning on celebrating the holidays this year.It was just me after all.What was the point of putting up a tree, setting lights, or buying myself gifts?I had friends all around the world, and I could visit any one of them.Many had even offered, but I didn’t want to invade their time with their families.I just wanted to be by myself and try to figure out how to enjoy the time that I had on this earth.Which might not sound too productive or healthy, but for me, it was a step in a different direction.I wasn’t drowning myself in sorrow, wasn’t hiding from my own feelings.I was moving on in this new life of mine.Alone.
But I was good at being alone.
I put one earbud in my ear, had my phone out with my grocery list, and set about to get through this part of the day quickly.
I hummed along to my favorite contemporary artist, focusing on trying to breathe through the day, rather than on what I didn’t have anymore.Holiday music blasted through the speakers overhead, while the aisles were filled with different seasonal purchases and offerings, and I added a box of specialty chocolates to my basket, I ignored the other red and green items surrounding me.
Images of our family holidays blasted through my mind, that bittersweet feeling taking hold once more.
My mother and Emily had always been the ones who pushed us to go all out for the holidays, while my father and I had smiled along, but enjoyed it, nonetheless.
When Mom had died when we’d had been juniors in high school, Emily had gone full tilt to make sure that we still celebrated the way that Mom had always loved.And I had joined in, knowing that my sister had needed me.
Then Dad had died just three years later, leaving us alone in a world where we still did everything for each other to bring that joy.
Now it was just me—and Mr.Darcy.Celebrating didn’t really seem high up on my list of priorities.
With a smile, at least a forced one, I was nearly done with my grocery shopping when the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.Frowning I turned around and saw a familiar man walking the opposite way down the aisle.Now that I thought about it, he had been down nearly every single aisle I had been throughout this entire shopping day, but that wasn’t too crazy.After all, it was grocery shopping, and it wasn’t as if people didn’t have similar lists.
