Page 77 of Someone to Hold
I know she doesn’t need me to take care of her, but that’s not stopping me from wanting to protect her.
As much as that scene yesterday made me want to pull away, I couldn’t do it. She took the dumpster fire of that confrontation with my dad in stride. Finding out I was made a fool of by my best friend and the girl my stupid, youthful heart thought was going to become my wife didn’t change anything. She absorbedevery ugly truth about my past and current failures without looking at me like I was suddenly less than the man she thought she knew.
Bailing is my go-to when things get real, but having Molly bear witness to my mess is somehow freeing. It also scares the shit out of me.
So yeah, buying a horse? That’s a great way to take the attention off me.
Of course, I realized I made a huge tactical error when she walked out on that porch. Because in all my hurry to be the man I want Molly and her kids to need, I forgot to ask her permission.
Which is another thing I watched for years in my family. My dad made decisions and expected Mom to accept them without an iota of respect for her opinion or letting her have any voice in her own life.
From her childhood with her grandparents to Teddy and now Linda, Molly’s had too much of other people stealing her power. She’s finally working on finding her voice, and I did what everyone does—took the power away from her. I could kick myself for being such an idiot. I criticize every other person who’s steamrolled over her choices, then turn around and do the exact same damn thing.
Laurel waves from the center of the ring. “Mommy, I’m like a real cowgirl.”
“You’re a natural, honey,” Molly calls as she comes to stand next to Luke and me at the edge of the indoor ring. She isn’t using the crutches at the moment, but still walks slowly with the orthopedic boot.
“I should have asked you first,” I tell her immediately. “He doesn’t have to stay. My friend Ray is willing to?—”
“Gumdrop can stay,” she says simply.
My heart settles, and then skips a beat when she reaches out and touches her pinky finger to the edge of my palm. Oh hell, I must be down bad when that kind of feather-light touch makes me want to rush out and buy her a whole stable full of barn animals.Llamas, sheep, baby goats—pick your pleasure. I’m here for anything that keeps that smile on her beautiful face.
Instead of leaning into her touch, I shove my hands in the pockets of my jeans, earning a slight frown. She’d get it if she knew where my heart and mind were at, which is so far beyond how this thing between us started.
“You want a turn, bud?” I ask Luke as if my heart isn’t free-falling off a cliff with no parachute.
His brows draw together in an exact imitation of his mother, and I’d like to reach out and soothe both of them, but I don’t.
“No pressure,” I say quickly. “You just let me know.”
“I do want to,” he says on a rush of breath, then grabs Molly’s hand. “Is that okay, Mommy?”
“Of course, sweetheart. Chase says Gumdrop is a nice horse for learning to ride, and we can trust Chase.” She glances up at me from beneath her lashes.
Right hook straight to the feels.
Iwantto be a man this woman and her kids can trust. I want to be the exact opposite of the type of man my father is, even though I’m not sure that’s possible.
“We’ll take it at your pace,” I tell him as I wave Laurel over. “You call the shots. If you want to stop or get off at any point, you just say the word and it’s all good.”
Luke crosses his arms over his chest and studies my face like he’s trying to gauge whether I mean it, and I nod.
“It’s all good,” I repeat, keeping in mind what Molly told me about how Teddy parented his sweet and sensitive son.
I step into the ring and help Laurel dismount. She undoes the helmet strap and hands it to Luke, who has followed me out.
“You’re going to do great, Lukey.”
I see Molly brush a finger across the outside corner of each eye, obviously moved by her daughter’s words of encouragement.
Luke and Laurel are good kids because she raised them that way. Sure, they spend plenty of time at each other’s throats. Mysister and I did our share of arguing growing up. But the sibling bond is no joke. And with the twin connection, it’s even stronger.
For better or worse, these kids have been through a lot together. Different challenges from what my sister and I faced when we were younger but still rough. Despite all his flaws, I don’t doubt that Teddy loved them. Losing a parent is no small thing. It changes how you see the world and leaves holes in your heart that never quite heal.
I would never try to step into the role of father, but I’m grateful for anything I can give them and their mother.
Luke puts on the helmet and then stands next to me at the horse’s side.
