Page 10 of Someone to Hold
“No.” Avah leans forward and points a French-manicured finger at my face. “You arenotresponsible for his death, and Linda needs to stop trying to make you feel that way.”
“Or you need to stop letting her,” Sadie adds in a gentler tone.
“Exactly,” Avah agrees. “Was Teddy’s death a horrible accident? Yes. Do we feel for you and the kids? One hundred percent. Does it mean you don’t deserve to be happy? Fuck no, Molly. You’re a good person and a good mother. But you only have one life.”
“One wild and precious life,” Taylor echoes, and I recognize the line from my favorite Mary Oliver poem. “What are you going to do with it?”
A million excuses fill my brain.
“What do youwantto do with it?” Sloane asks softly.
“It’s not moving to Albuquerque,” Piper murmurs, earning another elbow from her sister. The book club’s newest member is going to give Avah a run for her money on having exactly zero fucks to give when it comes to calling us out on the ways we play small. The waysIplay small and let fear rule my world.
“I want my kids to see me live big and take risks…” I shake my head and pat my thigh again. “Even if those risks mean I end up slightly bruised and battered. Piper’s right, you know?”
“She is?” Sadie asks, sounding incredulous.
“I am?” Piper echoes, then nods. “Of course, I am. About what?”
“I hate the idea of moving to Albuquerque.” I sigh. “And I’ve been making excuses for a long time. Playing small to please other people.” I rest my head on Sloane’s shoulder. “I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to choose me for once.”
“Yaass, Queen,” Avah says with a wink.
“I don’t know that I’ve earned queen status, but I want to stay in Skylark more than any place else I’ve ever lived. It feels like home here.”
“This town has that effect on people,” Iris confirms with a grin.
“You’re staying in Skylark.” Avah raises her fist in the air. “Let’s f-ing go!”
The table erupts in cheers and applause. Patrons at the neighboring tables glance over at our celebratory outburst, but none of us care. The warmth of my friends’ support wraps around me like a blanket.
“I also want to keep the farm.”
My friends go silent.
“Are you sure about that?” Taylor asks, her smile dimming slightly. “A property that size is a lot of work.”
Avah studies me. “You want to live in Shrine-to-Teddy Manor?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s more than Teddy’s childhood home. My kids love it there, and so do I. I’ve put a lot of money and energy into the property—redoing the greenhouse and amending the soil for my flowers. The house has good bones. It just needs a little love.”
For the first time, I’m not waiting for someone else to decide my future. I’m actually making the choice myself. “The farm isn’t just a place to live, it’s where I want to build something lasting and beautiful.”
“Honey, you could make an outhouse beautiful,” Iris tells me. “But will Linda let you stay there? I thought she was intent on selling.”
“I’ll buy it from her. I have a little savings, even after paying off Teddy’s debt. If this year’s flower season goes as well as I hope, I should have enough money for a down payment. A small business loan could be an option. I just have to show Linda I’m capable of making it on my own. Maybe her being gone on this trip is the time I need to pull up my big girl panties and find a way.”
Sloane squeezes my arm. “Heck, yeah.”
I smile at my friends and realize I haven’t felt this hopeful in…well, forever.
“It’s settled then,” I tell the group. “I’m up next for the bucket list challenge, and I’m going to figure out how to do life on my terms. Like Kristen Quinn said, I’m going to lose my fear.”
“What about the hot cowboy Linda saddled you with?” Avah asks.
I think about that long and hard, then shake my head.
“I’m keeping the cowboy. If he wants to pay off the debt he thinks he owes by watching my kids and helping me until my ankle is better…” I shrug. “Who am I to turn away free labor?”
