Page 78 of The Hitchhiker in Panama
Looking over my shoulder, I spotted the traveler. “The mainsail.”
Unsnapping the handle, I moved it to the aft winch. I went to run the line around the barrel, and remembered that the handle gets in the way—I had to run the line around first without the handle on.
With the line secured around the winch, I started cranking again. Above me, the main sheet tightened, bringing the sail in closer to the centerline of the boat. This time I could see the sail better, and watched as the angle of the sail changed and it stopped luffing.
I glanced at Jonas. “Now?”
“Now. Great job, Lila!”
He offered me a high five and I laughed.
“I can’t believe I could get all that by myself—mostly.”
“You would have done it all by yourself. It is easier to see the genoa from here, but you would have gotten it.”
I sat back down at the helm, smiling to myself. For the first time on this voyage, I felt like a sailor. Could I give all this up?
* * *
Later that afternoon, I puttered around inside the cabin. The seas were unusually calm, so we’d opened some of the hatches that were less likely to get splashed by a wave. I ran around the cabin, shaking out our linens, clothes, even our towels, trying to freshen everything up.
Jonas, Elayna, and Eivind talked in the cockpit, their conversation coming in through the open hatch, but I wasn’t paying attention until I heard my name.
“Lila must be looking forward to being on land?” That was Elayna. I paused and listened while folding a shirt that was slightly damp but still wearable.
“I think she is. I know she is not really a sailor, and it has been tough on her,” Eivind responded.
My heart thudded in my chest.Not really a sailor?I knew so much more than when I’d started. Sure, I still didn’t know how to read a tell-tail and I got confused by the compass, but I knew how to reef a sail, and I’d been on watch for over forty-eight hours by myself. How could he not think of me as a sailor?
“It will be nice when things go back to normal,” Jonas said.
“What do you mean? Not at sea?” Eivind asked.
“Well, that too, but it will be better when it is just the four of us again. Lila has learned a lot, but it is harder to have to teach someone new. It is too hard when I have to teach someone how to sail, too.”
“Marcella is right,” Elayna said. “Crew dynamics are tough. Maybe we shouldn’t have had her on in the first place.”
“Well, she is going back to South America anyway,” Eivind said. “She made it clear it was never long-term.”
I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. Yes, the plan had always been for me to fly back once we reached land, but part of me had hoped that Eivind liked having me around and that maybe they’d invite me to stay again. Jonas and Eivind had made me feel so welcome in the beginning. To hear that maybe they regretted it?
Maybe everyone back home was right. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for adventures.
* * *
Eivind and I had a quiet night watch, both of us trapped in our own thoughts. I tried not to let myself spiral, but perhaps these past few weeks had been a waste.
And then I looked out at the night sky, spotting the band of the Milky Way overhead. The light mist ofEikplowing through the waves dusted my skin. Even if some people didn’t consider me to be a true sailor, I had still crossed an ocean. I had sailed thousands of miles, and not many people could say that.
We had gone to bed knowing that when we woke up, we would likely see land. When Eivind’s shift was over in the early hours of the morning, we were seventy miles from Fatu Hiva, the closest island in the chain of the Marquesas. While we couldn’t legally enter the country there, we would stop for a day, visit the island reputed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, and then move on to Hiva Oa.
Fatu Hiva had minimal facilities, but Jonas and Eivind talked about it with such reverence. After crossing the Pacific—what would be most sailors’ longest passage—Fatu Hiva provided a welcome sight.
When I woke up to voices above my head, I gently pushed Eivind’s arm off me and dressed. He didn’t stir, his face pressed into the pillow.
I kissed his shoulder and snuck out. I was too excited at the possibility of seeing land to stay down.
Giggles carried from the main salon and I found Jonas and Elayna inside. Jonas sat at the desk working on his laptop, and Elayna washed dishes in the galley.
