Page 24 of The Sailor in Polynesia
“How are things with you and Eivind? Are you the stir-crazy ones?”
“Yeah, nah. Eivind’s pretty chill about wherever we go, and I certainly don’t have anything to add to it. I don’t know much about the navigating or timing or whatever of us getting to New Zealand. It wasn’t even my plan to stay on—I’m just the hitchhiker. But Marcella needs internet to find a new position, and Elayna needs more of a social life. No one’s interested in partying with her.”
“What will you and Eivind do when you get to New Zealand?”
“Ah, Eivind has promised me that we will fly to Straya and he’ll meet my parents. I think it’s going to be hilarious. Dad likes to bust Eivind’s balls. My mom, on the other hand... I told Eivind we can’t get sucked in. We have to have an escape plan.”
I laughed. “Your dad and my dad might be pretty similar. My dad likes to tease us all the time.”
“Do you miss your family?”
I puffed out a breath. “Yeah, a lot. We’re pretty close.”
“You stayed with them when you were Stateside?”
“Yeah.”
Lila paused in thought. “How long has your divorce been official?”
“Not even three months yet. I left as soon as it was done to come back toWelina.”
Her mouth tilted down into a frown. “That’s not very long. You seem to be doing pretty well, and maybe you are moving on?”
“Ah, well, I mean... I wouldn’t say moving on.”
Lila grinned slyly. “You like Jonas, right?”
I blushed. “If you are asking if I think he’s attractive, then yes.”
She laughed. “Okay, just making sure. I understand that the whole living situation is complicated. But you guys would make a cute couple.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s not... We’ve just...”
Lila slipped a bit on the paddleboard and sputtered in the salty water as she giggled. “You’ve just what? Been spending all your time together? Are attracted to each other?”
“Yes, but...” I glanced over atEik, and to the beach beyond, wondering how to explain myself to a bright-eyed girl in love and a decade younger than me. “It’s not an easy situation. There wouldn’t be much hope for a long-term relationship, and... I don’t know. I would feel weird with anything short-term. I’m just not that kind of girl.”
Lila nodded. “That’s fair. To each her own, you know? I held off on doing anything with Eivind for a while, because my adventure—that experience of crossing the Panama Canal—was more important to me. But then I allowed myself to be with Eivind for a few days, then a month, and then...” She shrugged. “Then I fell in love. It’s complicated and messy, with my wanderlust tangled up in my love for Eivind. But even if they were both temporary, I would never regret it.”
My jaded heart was trapped in regret. Lila sensed my mood shift and said gently, “You should just enjoy yourself, even if it’s just spending time together.” She put her hand on my arm and squeezed, her lips tilted up in a smirk. “I know he loves hanging out with his favorite celebrity.” She winked, and I groaned.
We continued to bob in the cool waters until Eivind called Lila home.
* * *
Eikhad been in Kauehi with me for twenty days. Every time I asked Jonas when they would move on, he shrugged, and a big part of me was glad. I had mulled over Lila’s words, thinking about regret and love and Jonas. Every time I was with him, watching his slow smile or his strong hands, I worried I was too chicken to take any chances. Soon,Eikwould leave. What would I regret more: Saying goodbye as friends, or taking a chance at feeling something new?
The time came, though. Jonas paddled over to tell me they were leaving in the morning.
“Where will you go next?” I asked as we sat in my cockpit together. I picked at the bench cushion, worrying the fabric between my nails, wondering how badly I would miss him, what it would feel like to look up tomorrow and not seeEiknext to me.
“Fakarava. Have you been there?”
I shook my head. “I hear it’s amazing.”
Jonas leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. “You should come with us.” He watched me, his eyes steady on mine as my heart danced in my chest.
“I don’t know. I like it here.”But I’d miss you.
