Page 40 of The Sailor in Polynesia
Jonas nodded. “When do you have to leave?”
I shrugged. “Probably sooner would be better. James is helping me arrange flights and I’ll worry less withWelinain a marina.”
“I can keep an eye on her.”
I cocked my head at him. “You are ready to leave for Tahiti too? Your crew seems to be really enjoying it here.”
He hesitated. “We have done everything we want to do here. The islands have been amazing, but we do need to move on soon. I have to look ahead to the end of the season.”
“Oh. What do you think of the weather?”
“I have not looked at it.”
“Here, it’s on my laptop.” Jonas sat at my desk and took over the mouse, looking at the weather patterns and systems that were forecasted for the next few days. I bent over his shoulder, my hand on the desk, as he made changes and scrolled through the time charts.
“What do you average?”
“About five and a half knots, maybe six, if I motor sail.”
He grunted and I smiled.
“Do I even want to know how fast you go?”
His lip quirked up. “Seven knots. Maybe eight with the wind on the beam like these conditions.”
I sighed. “I bet she’s beautiful under sail.”
Jonas turned around in the chair, bringing our faces closer together. His eyes darted down and back up quickly. I straightened, realizing that Jonas had had a view right down my braless tank top.
His cheeks flushed, and before I could say anything, he changed the subject.
“This will be your first overnight sail by yourself, yes?”
I bit my lip. “Yeah.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Well...” I hedged. Jonas watched me expectantly. “I don’t feel great about it.”
He stood up and corralled me back to the love seat. “What are you worried about?”
I covered my face with my hands and took some deep breaths. “I’m a good sailor, I know that. But I just have this little voice in my head.” Despite all the crying I’d done lately, I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I squeezed them shut. “And I don’t want to tell you this, because I feel like I’ll be letting you down.”
“Ah, Mia...” Jonas gently pulled my hands away from my face and I looked up at the ceiling. “Mia, look at me.” He nudged my chin until I turned to look at him.
“It’s not just you,” I admitted. “I know my family is just trying to be supportive. They’re all like, ‘You can do it, Mia!’ ‘Go kick ass without Liam!’ So it just feels like... It feels like if I quit, not only do I lose the hope of doing something that I love, but I also let people down.”
Jonas hummed sympathetically.
“It’s just that solo sailing was never what I signed up for. And I just... I justdon’t want to.” I tucked my head into Jonas’s neck and he wrapped his arms around me. “I know it’s not sustainable. I’m going to have to do this someday, but I just don’t feel like I’m back on my feet yet.”
“And that is okay.” He rubbed my arm. “You will be someday, and if today is not that day, that is okay.”
“Yeah, well.” I laughed darkly. “I don’t have much of a choice. I want to be there for my family.”
“What if I sailed with you?”
“What?” I drew back and looked up at him. “Jonas, no, I can’t ask you to do that.”
