Page 15 of Nutcracker with Benefits
“I mean, I wasn’t going to tell my dads that we’re friends with benefits, but now that they know, it feels like it puts pressure on us to act like we’re more than that, don’t you think?”
I frown in thought. “Do you feel pressured?”
“I think…” She trails off, frowning and biting her bottom lip.
The first few times we hooked up were clumsy and a little awkward. But I remember the first time I used my teeth, tugged a little harder on that bottom lip than I intended, and Clara let out a breathy moan. It felt like I’d unlocked the next level. I love unleashing my teeth on her now, and I know just how she likes to be nibbled.
Clara gives a small laugh, and I shake off the thoughts. “I tell myself that I’m a grown-up, and Dad always tried so hard to teach sex and body positivity, but there was always the feeling that he was uncomfortable. Sometimes I get these weird hang-ups, and I don’t understand where they come from.”
“It makes sense,” I say. “Maybe trauma from your mom’s death at such a young age, or just a side effect from growing up with few women around.”
Clara’s often confided in me that the feeling of loss hasn’t ever gone away. She gets reminders all the time that her mom is gone.
While I don’t think about it the same way, I get it. I get reminders all the time that my parents aren’t a part of my life—a loss of a kind, but a different one.
Someone nearby giggles, and when I look up, there are two young women glancing at us. “I think I’ve been made,” I stage-whisper to Clara, turning a little bit to put my back to them.
“Really?” She rises onto her tiptoes to peek over my shoulder. “It’s like your disguise didn’t work,” she says dryly.
“Hush you.”
“Oh, they’re coming over.”
“Well you were staring.”
I plaster on a smile because, honestly, I only get so much time with Clara. I don’t want interruptions.
The two women reach us and look at Clara. “We are so sorry to bother you,” one of them says. I nearly roll my eyes. I can’t believe they’re going to ask Clara to take our picture without even asking me first. “But could we take a picture with you?”
My mouth drops open. The women haven’t even looked at me.
“With me?” Clara asks, hand to her chest.
“Oh my god, yes,” the other woman gushes. “We’ve been following your Instagram for years! I went to Recife last year because you raved about it. I am such a fan.”
“Well, it is so nice to meet my followers.” Clara rotates her head to stare at me, an amused look on her face. “I would love to take a picture. In fact, maybe my friend here could take one for us.”
With barely a glance, I’m handed a phone. My cheeks are warm, and Clara is going to tease the hell out of me for this.
We take several pictures, the girls posing on either side of Clara. It’s drawing some attention in the subway car, and I hear someone whisper my name.
“Okay, this is our stop,” I say as we pull up to the station.
“It was so nice to meet you. Please post those photos and tag me, okay?” Clara gives each of them a quick hug before we weave through the crowd to the open door.
Wordlessly, we walk towards the exit as the doors close and the subway moves on.
Clara screeches to a halt. “Oh. My. God. That was hysterical!”
I hide my face in my hands, shoving my sunglasses up. “I can’t believe that happened.”
“You, sir, needed to be taken down a peg or two. Seriously, maybe that’s why you need to take a car around town. Your ego doesn’t even fit in the subway!”
She bends over, clutching her sides from laughing too hard.
There’s no one on our side of the platform, and the people across the track are ignoring us as we lean against each other. Clara straightens, wiping tears from her eyes.
“I’m dying. That was too funny.”
