Page 6 of Finally
“I try. It’s definitely gotten harder as we’ve grown bigger. I learned that when Oliver came on board.” He sighed and took a drink of water. “In a few months, he figured out things I should have noticed years ago.”
Oliver was a sweet young guy who moved to Seattle to work for Snow Storm and, apparently by coincidence, ended up dating Jaime. They were now married and, by all accounts, blissfully happy. Jack’s support of their relationship and genuine joy for them demonstrated his selfless nature. Gray thought Oliver could do better than Jaime, but he kept his mouth shut because doing otherwise would have been rude, and also because he didn’t trust himself to have fair judgment when it came to Jaime.
“It’s easier to hear some types of complaints when you’re at the bottom of the food chain like Oliver. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a great boss.”
“Thanks, Gray. I rectified the gaps once I learned what I wasn’t noticing. I have good committees set up to help crowdsource input from all levels in the company and we’re meeting weekly. It’s been fairly effective but I’m working on more solutions too.”
“While you’re doing that, maybe you can outsource some of your responsibilities. You have good people working for you and you need to make time for sleep.” Jack was a notorious night owl and yet also an early bird.
“Sleep is the enemy. I barely have enough hours in the day as it is!”
“I hear you.” Gray wasn’t a big sleeper either. That worked out well because he could chat with Jack during his free time, which was late into the night. It was yet another area where their lifestyles meshed perfectly, which reminded Gray about Jack’s New Year’s resolution.
“So. About the date.” Gray picked up his water glass and took a drink. “You dodged a bullet like Neo.”
“Disaster, I know.” Jack sighed and shook his head.
“Not a good match, but probably not quite at the level of disaster.” Gray grinned at Jack.
“You’re right.” Jack returned his smile. “I was being dramatic.”
Jack wasn’t dramatic in the usual sense. He was never loud, never demanding, never selfish. But his brilliant mind gave him a tendency to react to what he thought would happen well before it had a chance to occur. Jack’s brain operated like a chess game, with him always five moves ahead. When it came to his professional life, the ability to predict outcomes helped Jack steer his company in an optimal direction. He made smart choices in who he hired, what he produced, and how he took it to market. Unfortunately, in his personal life, Jack almost always perceived huge failures when there were only small speedbumps, sometimes even before the bumps were reached. He was brilliant, driven, and highly successful at work, but when it came to men, Jack struggled with a fair amount of anxiety and a heaping dose of insecurity.
“You’re being hard on yourself again.” Jack had been doing that for as long as Gray had known him, which wasn't all that long after he had started dating Jaime Snow, so while Gray wasn’t sure if that unhealthy relationship was wholly responsible for Jack’s issues, it had unquestionably exacerbated them. Jack’s confidence and happiness had diminished during the time he was with Jaime, and while he had healed in the years since then, he still didn’t have a clear image of himself.
Jack sighed and then smiled and shook his head. “Everyone has bad dates. It isn’t an indictment of me.”
“Perfectly stated.”
“Glad to know the therapy’s paying off.”
The waiter walked up to their table, so they paused their conversation and situated the plates and glasses. Gray relaxed into his seat. He was having dinner with his favorite person who was smiling and happy. The only way the situation could be better would be if they were at home, naked, for the meal. And for the first time, Gray thought he had a genuine chance of making that happen.
“Eric told me about your New Year’s resolution,” he said when the waiter left, and they were alone again.
Brow furrowed, Jack said, “What New Year’s resolution?”
“Something about putting yourself out there. He said that’s why you were dating that guy.”
“This was only the third time I’ve been out with him.” Jack shook his head and laughed. “The resolution thing is all Eric. You know how he’s into all that stuff.” He waved his hand as he spoke. “I told him about what my therapist said about me being ready to give dating a real chance, and he turned itinto a resolution because I guess that makes it more likely to happen?” Jack shrugged. “If he finds out about that scene at the bar, he’ll probably say it fell apart because of my horoscope or something.”
“Probably.” Gray chuckled. “At least he means well.”
“He does.”
“Resolution or not, I’m glad you’re finally ready to really try another relationship.”
“Not surereadyis the right word after I crashed and burned tonight.”
“That guy was a no-go but look at you.”
Jack arched his eyebrows in question.
“How do you feel right now?”
“Good,” Jack quickly responded and then tilted his head to the side, paused, and repeated himself. “I feel good. A little embarrassed because of the theatrics and the yelling, but otherwise…”
“You’re not blaming yourself for things not working out with what’s-his-name from the bar?”
