Page 47 of A Chance at Redemption for the Alpha
“Did you want her?”
“Of course,” I say. “I would have done everything to prove myself to her. And today, when she visited the pack, she told me I am not good enough.”
Marcellus stares at me. “She came as a visitor? I thought you might have met her coincidentally here.” Again, the wheels in his head seem to turn. “Wait a moment, she must be that other girl who visited us. The one Cassian complained about. Isla, was that her name?”
I nod. “I didn’t know that’s her name,” I admit. “Until I met her again today.” Then I proceed to tell Marcellus what happened, starting from her first reaction yesterday to everything she said today.
“What a horrible thing to say,” Marcellus growls. “She wants someone better?! She doesn’t even know you or the pack, let alone the options she would have had.”
“I asked her if she would let me prove myself to her,” I admit. “But she was clear in her rejection. Should I have… should I have fought for her and rejected her rejection? It’s just, after my father died and I was removed from the pack, I swore to myself never to force anyone into something they don’t want.”
“She made her decision,” Marcellus says. “You could only let her go.”
“It makes sense, doesn’t it? Of course, she didn’t want me,” I mutter. “I am Benjamin, and I am living in Sunset Hills.”
“Are you ashamed of being part of this pack?”
“No!” I blurt out. “I love Sunset Hills. It’s the only home I know.”
“And do you want a girl who looks down on this pack?” he asks.
“No,” I state.
“She rejected you without a second thought,” he says. “Whoever rejects their mate that easily has something wrong with them.”
“I did that as well.”
“No, you were terrified of your father and scared he would kill you and Freya. Does that make your actions against her right? No. Does it mean you had other options? Probably. Does this completely condone what you did? No. But it’s not like you just rejected her. You had your reasons and acted the only way you could see.” He pauses. “My ex-mate was my brother’s girlfriend, and she loved him more than anything else. She never said I wasn’t good enough, just that she was in love with someone else.”
I stare at him in shock. He was rejected, too?!
“Not cool, huh?” he mutters. “That’s why I left my old pack. Originally, I was supposed to rule it with my twin brother.”
“Wait a moment,” I say. “Is your twin brother the one your mate chose?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
“Goddess,” I exclaim. “That sucks!”
“It did,” he admits. “But it led me to Silas and then to me building this pack. I found my calling.”
“And you think I will, too?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says. “I think, just like me back then, you need to find yourself. Find a goal for your life, allow yourself to be happy.”
“And work more on myself,” I say quietly. “To become a better person.”
“No,” he says. “I think you are doing plenty already. You don’t need to push yourself even more than you already do. I wish you could learn to forgive yourself.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” I admit.
“Me neither,” he says quietly. “How about we try to find out together?” he offers.
I allow myself a minute to think about what he just said before I nod. I am not sure if I will ever be able to forgive myself or move on, and I don’t know if I will ever be deserving of my mate, but at least I know I can’t disappoint Marcellus and Silas.
seventeen
Commitment
