Page 125 of Fangirl
And for the first time, it hits me hard. How much of this is real? Is this him? TheuntouchableJake Hollander. The movie star. And somewhere, Mariana’s voice slithers back:You don’t belong in his world, darling. But at least tonight,you’ll look like you do.
Standing here, surrounded by strangers and cameras, I’m staring at someone I don’t know. And maybe… maybe I never really did. The difference is too stark.
“Jake!” The sound cuts through the noise—warm and human. A man steps out from the crowd, older, a little worn by the industry, but there’s kindness in his eyes, something real that feels like a lifeline in this sea of plastic smiles.
“Jesus, kid. They said you were here. Wasn’t sure I’d catch you.”
Jake stiffens, his hand tightening against my back. “Alan. Shit, man… hey.”
Alan grins, easy and genuine, the first real thing all night. “Didn’t think I’d see you. Honestly, wasn’t sure you’d show your face after bailing.”
He glances my way, offering a wink that pulls an actual smile from me—for the first time tonight.
Jake forces a laugh. “Yeah… aboutEverything That Follows?—”
Alan waves him off, though the sting is still there. “I get it. Big leagues came calling.”
His gaze softens when it lands on me. “You must be Amy, the girlfriend. Jake mentioned you… said you lovedEverything That Follows.” He grins. “Maybe next time, huh?”
I blink, stunned.They talked about me?
I glance at Jake, but his jaw is tight, and his eyes are locked somewhere over Alan’s shoulder.
Alan claps him on the arm, the gesture familiar, almost fatherly. “I was just surprised, is all. You’re better than capes andspandex, you know?”
Jake exhales hard, scrubbing a hand through his perfect hair. “I wanted to do it, Alan. I did. But… something came up. A once-in-a-lifetime thing.”
Alan nods, resigned. “Yeah. That’s how they get you.” He shoots me one last soft smile. “Anyway—door’s open if you ever want to do something real again.”
And just like that, he’s gone, leaving the air heavy. Leaving me standing there… wondering when the dream started feeling like a loss.
The air turns thick,toothick. I swallow hard, forcing down the lump rising in my throat.
I turn to Jake, searching his face, but he won’t meet my eyes.
“I thought you wanted to doEverything That Follows,” I whisper. That movie had heart. That story mattered. He’d shared the script with me once, after clearing it with Alan, and I’d cried. It stayed with me.Changedme.
His jaw tics. “I did. I swear I did. But… this other role came up. It’s the kind of offer you can’t turn down, Amy.” Finally, his gaze finds mine. “It changes everything. I can’t tell you everything yet, but I will. I promise. But this role? It’ll skyrocket my career to the very top.”
I nod because what else can I do? But something fractures deep inside.
No matter how he explains it, no matter how many words he finds, I know I’ll never really understand.
What’s wrong with where he is now? How high does he need to climb?
The house is massive. The car—luxury. The clothes—designer. Thelife—more than most people will ever see.
And yet… it’s not enough. Maybe it never will be.
And somewhere deep down, a quiet, devastating truth settles in my chest.
Maybe I won’t be enough either.
The thought spirals, tightening in my chest until I can’t breathe. I need air. A break. Anything.
“I need the bathroom,” I murmur, forcing a small smile. “Be right back.”
Jake straightens. “I’ll come with?—”
