Page 30 of Constantine: Britain's Story: Part 2
“Britain, stop. The only thing I want, the only thing I’ll ever need is you. You just have to let me explain.” She doesn’t say anything, and now she won’t even look me in the eyes. “Baby, please.” My words come out choked and painful.
She looks up at me, her eyes pooling with tears. “I’ve only just started getting used to the fact that what we had or what we were wasn’t…real. At least not for you.Pleasedon’t come back into my life and ruin all the progress I’ve made. I don’t deserve this.I don’t know what I did to deserve any of this, but I can’t do it again.Please,just leave me alone.”
My throat starts burning. “I’m not going anywhere, Britain. Not now,not ever.What we haveisreal.” My voice sounds raspy, my throat strained with pain.
“You know, you really had me believing that,” she laughs viciously as tears fall down her cheeks. “You made me promise thatI’dnever leaveyou. But here we are, Liam.” Her voice drops, sounding smaller than I’ve ever heard. “Everyone leaves me…and in the end, you did, too.” Goddamnit, this is breaking my fucking heart.
“You’re wrong. I won’t ever leave you, or our child. I promise from this day forward, never again. If I had known, I would have never left.”
“Well,” she scoffs, “I don’t want, or need, anyone to stay with me because of a baby. I don’t need your pity, Liam, I already get it from almost everyone else. I don’t need anything from you. At all.” Her voice is so low it’s barely perceptible. The odds of me coming out of this with her by my side are starting to dwindle.
“I don’t pity you!” It comes out louder than I wanted, so I lower my voice before continuing. “I would have stayed and done anything and everything to make you happy in hopes you’d never leaveme. Britain, I left to give you a chance with Matthias. That’s it. That’s the only reason. You need to read the letter I wrote because I’m going to screw this all up, which is the exact reason I wrote it all down in the first place. Not being with you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I thought I was doing what was bestfor you.” She just stares up at me, unmoving and not speaking. I’m just about to speak again when she beats me to it.
“You’re a coward, Liam Millar.” Her tone is ice cold as she pushes against my chest with both hands before yelling, “YOU’RE A COWARD! I told you I loved you more than anyone else!Anyone.I told you that, and you chose not to trust meand then you abandoned me, just like everyone else!” I’ve never heard Britain shout like this before.
“Okay,that’s enough.” The woman who was with Britain earlier comes around the side of the car. “You need to leave her alone.” She looks at me as she says it. I don’t know what to do, though. I can’t leave it alone —heralone — but I’m only making things worse.
Reluctantly, I take a step away from Britain who has gone back to refusing to look at me. Like taking a dagger to the chest, realization is starting to sink in. This is it.Done.I’ve caused irreparable damage. “I’m sorry, Britain.” They’re the only words I can manage to get out without choking.
“Just leave me alone, Liam.” She says it so quietly, I know it’s what she really wants, but I can’t stop myself from trying one more time.
“Please, Brit–”
“I’m with someone else.” She cuts me off and cuts me deep. Just like that, my whole world comes crashing down. There’s nothing if she’s not in it.I’m nothing.I knew this was a possibility, I just always hoped she’d choose me. Britain starts regaining her composure, while mine slowly slips away. My hands start to shake and I feel a tear break free, running down my face and off my chin.
I don’t even have to ask, I already knowshe’s with him. I take a few more steps away from her, my feet feeling more and more unsteady by the second.
“Okay, I’ll leave you alone, and, um, I’ll reach out to your lawyer about custody.” I hold up the card she gave me with a slight tremble in my voice and in my hand. The woman, who I’m starting to believe is Jess, wraps an arm around Britain and turns her body in the opposite direction as me, like a bodyguard shielding their principal from a threat.
They start to walk away, but I stop them. “Wait,” it comes out more like a croak, “your stuff, all of your stuff is at the house. Do you want–”
Britain interrupts me, “You can–” but she’s quickly cut off by Jess.
“I’llcome pick it all up tomorrow.” Her tone is authoritative and devoid of warmth, leaving me with no other option than to just nod. I look Britain in the eyes one last time before her friend shields her from me once again. I’ll never forget that look for the rest of my fucking life.She hates me.
Britain
I hoped hurting him would make me feel better, but it didn’t. The look on his face when I told him I was with someone else will be burned on my brain for eternity. He’s either the best fucking actor, or it really hurt him as much as I’m hurting now.
Jess turns my body away, but I look him in the eyes one last time, and the only thing running through my mind is, why can't I stop loving you?But it doesn’t matter. I don’t trust him. Ican’ttrust him, and my heart could never withstand this unbearable kind of pain again.
“Jess,” I dig my heels in to stop her pursuit. “I just need a minute. I can’t go back in there just yet.” She releases me from the firm hold on my shoulders, giving me a stern look.
“Fine. But if you’re not back inside in 15 minutes, I’m coming to get you.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say quietly, shakily. Jess gives my shoulders a squeeze before letting me go and heading back inside.
I’m standing halfway between my car and the entrance, stuck in limbo with Liam behind me and my family in front of me. All I want is to turn around and look at him, to soak him in, even run back to him. But I can’t. That’s not us anymore. Instead, I’ll do what I always do: Break down and feel awful, even if it’s just for five minutes. So I walk past the cafe and around to the other side of the building.
Putting my back against the bumpy log wall, I pray it’ll hold me up. Then, with shaking hands and legs, I cry.Why does it have to hurt so much? Why do I still love him? Why am I such a crybaby?!
Eventually, the gruff sound of a male clearing his throat jolts me back to reality and I open my eyes to see Damian standing in front me.
“Have you come to gloat?” I ask him between sniffles.
“No,” is all he says before wrapping me up in his warm arms and comforting me. It’s not the kind of embrace you would get from an ex-husband or former lover. No, right now, he's here as my oldest friend, my closest companion, and he soothes me.
“It’s okay, darling, let it all out,” he says while tucking my head beneath his chin and pulling me into him more snuggly. So I do. I let it all out.
