Page 29 of Constantine: Britain's Story: Part 2
“That’s sweet. You better have said yes, B.”
“I did. I said I’d go.”
“Good, I’ll pick out your clothes.”
“Okay, but nothing too crazy. It’s hot at the festival and I just want to be comfy.”
“Yeah, I meant while I’m here, period, I’ll be picking out your clothes. But don’t worry, tomorrow I’ll keep it light and breezy.” She gets a mischievous look in her eye, and I grow slightly concerned she’s going to put me in a wispy, barely-there dress circa Jennifer Lopez at the 2000 Grammys.
The drive up to Spearhead was entirely uneventful. Damian didn’t say a single word and Jess and Eden both cat napped. As we start to approach the main strip of town, I try to bring them all back to consciousness, gently.
“So this is it, guys. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.” I slow the car considerably and roll down the windows to let in the scent of the pines.
“On the left is the restaurant, Colton’s. We’ll have to go there one night. Next to it is Sandy’s cafe and Maggio’s.” Pointing out the other side of the car, “And there’s the gas station, grocery store, and diner. And that’s it!” I sort of laugh.Lamest tour ever.
“Wow,” Jess deadpans. Classic New Yorker. Damian remains silent.I thought when you divorce someone, it means you get to stop dealing with their tantrums?I remind myself, though,not my circus.
I park off to the side of The Grounds, behind Sandy’s Suburban. Sliding out of the car, I smooth the wrinkles out of my favorite midi dress. Then, standing tall, I inhale the fresh air that seems to roll off the evergreens. My chest rises and falls, slowly releasing any tension I might be holding on to. There’s just something about this place that puts me at ease in a way I can’t describe. It always smells like better days, happier times. Fresh yet rich.
“Want me to get Eden for you?” I ask Jess. I’m trying to give her as many little breaks as possible while she’s here, but it’s also good for me to practice for this whole “baby” thing. It’s been a lot of years since the last time I’ve had to do this.
“Sure! She’s all yours.” Jess moves aside so I can unbuckle Eden from the carseat. Once she’s tucked into my side, I turn around to find Damian waiting right behind me, holding the door. Even when he’s grumpy, he’s still a gentleman.
“Thanks, Damian.” All I get is a wordless nod in response.
“So this is the famous ‘Grounds’?” Jess asks.
“This is it,” I smile, joining her as we walk to the front door. “Oh, you have to try the pastries. Jim makes everything himself.” I pause as we all walk through the door that Damian is holding open. “I’m telling you, his croissants…”
“Britain?”That voice.Electric chills run down my spine.I turn to look in its direction just in time to see Liam shoot to his feet, sending his chair sliding across the checkered floor. He’s as devastatingly handsome as I remember in a plain gray tee and black jeans that look like they were cut to his muscular body. He has a look of surprise painted all over his face and I freeze, my body seemingly turning to stone.This isn’t real. I’m losing my fucking mind because these delusions are getting way too real.
I turn to look at Jess, but she’s looking at me with the same wide-eyed, stricken expression. Okay, so maybe thisisreal. This is happening. My stomach free falls as I try to make sense of him beinghere.He just came back,I guess. I mean, I knew it was inevitable, I just didn’t think it’d be so soon.
Sensing something isn’t right, Eden starts to fidget and whine. With trembling hands, I hand her back to her mom, then turn back to my ex-fiancé. Just hearing the words roll through my brain hurts.Ex-fiancé. Does it even count if it was for less than 24 hours?I mentally shake free from that thought. It doesn’t matter. I’m nothing to him now.I suppose that means he’s nothing to me either.I remember my place, and move to excuse myself.
“I-I, forgot something in the car. I’ll be right back,” I say it more to myself than to anyone else. Ducking back out the door that Damian is still holding partially open, I move with quick strides to the car.This is good.I mean, not really, this is fucking awful, but good in that I can do what I’d planned to do if I ever saw him again. I can check another thing off my to-do list, and he can be free of me like he wants.
“Britain, wait!” I hear the front door of the cafe close as he calls out to me, but I don’t stop. Unlocking the car, I reach over to my purse and rifle around until I find what I’m looking for. When I turn back, Liam is right in front of me, just like I’ve dreamed of for weeks. The shock of seeing him is one thing, buthis close physical presence is more than I was prepared for. I don’t know whether to cry or yell or vomit. All I know is I have to push down the overwhelming urge to throw myself into his arms. So I do. I push that feeling down, deep and far away from my consciousness because he’s not holding his arms open for me. That’s not who we are anymore. So instead, I hold out the card for him to take.
“What’s this?” He asks, taking the card and turning the thick piece of cardstock over in his hand.
“It’s my lawyer's card. He has all the paperwork ready for you.” He looks at me, completely confused. “So you can officially terminate your parental rights.”
Liam
Gut-wrenching. It’s the only word I have to describe this feeling. I just shake my head back and forth, trying to grapple with how to respond. All I want to do is wrap her up in my arms, hold her tight, and never let her go. But that’s not my reality. The reality is she thinks —I’ve made her think— I don’t want her or our child.
“I, uh…I won’t be doing that.” She tilts her head in confusion before clasping her trembling fingers together. She looks distraught and so fucking tired, and it kills me to see her like this. She’s lost weight, too.Too much, except for her bump. If you didn’t know her, you might not notice, but there’s nothing about Britain I wouldn’t notice. Even in her loose sundress, I can see where she’s swollen and round. My chest feels like it’s on fire seeing her…like this.
My eyes fill with tears when I look down at where Britain and our child are growing and more than anything I’ve ever wanted,I just want to reach out and hold them both.My whole fucking world standing right in front of me.I reach for her, gently, testing her comfort level, but she flinches back and away from me.Yeah, I thought that might happen, but it doesn’t hurt any less.My heart slams into my chest painfully, and I drop my hand back down to my side.
“Britain, I made a mistake. A really awful, terrible mistake. I never meant to hurt you.”Please, baby. Believe me.She doesn’t move. She barely blinks, her expression seeming unmovable. “I wrote you a letter, I left it for you. I thought you would get it when you went home, after you left Colton’s that night.”
“I never went back to your house after Colton’s.”Your house. Right, it’s not her home anymore. I die a small death at that realization. “You didn’t need to write me a letter to tell me you didn’t want to be with me. You could have just used your words instead of being a coward. You could have not done it in front of everyone I know here. You could have not left me for dead the second you turned your back on me.”Burn, I deserve that.
“First, that’s not what the letter said, Britain. I never,not for one minute, have stopped wanting you.”
“Stop lying.” Her voice trembles, breaking me. “I don’t know what you want from me, or what purpose I served in your life, but you don’t have to pretend anymore.” She drops her head to hide her tears.Fuck, no.
