Page 43 of Constantine: Britain's Story: Part 2
“I need to leave.” I’m going to go back to the table and tell Matthias that I’m feeling unwell, and then I’m going home.
“Bambi, please don’t leave…” Liam reaches out for me, but I pull back and out of his reach.
“You confuse me, Liam.” I shake my head. “Please don’t do this to me.Please.” I drop my head in shame at the sound of my pleading. Like an old friend, the hurt finds me again, and I remember the knife sliding under my ribs when he walked away from me at Colton’s months ago.Hold on to that, Britain. Don’t be fooled by one warm embrace. He is not the person you think he is.
“Can we just talk, Britain? Just you and me?”
I snap my head up, and face him straight on. “Do you want to talk about how you lied to me? Kept secrets from me? How you left me and just walked away like it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done? Can we talk about how I don’t even knowyou?” I fall silent, realizing I was nearly shouting at him. Liam’s gaze darkens and he moves in towards me, crowding me up against the stone church wall. He holds my gaze, leaning over me, trapping me into his hard body.
“Stop it,” his tone is low and gravelly. “You’re the only person in this entire world that knows the real me. You’re the one thing in my life I’ve never wanted to give up. Fuck Bambi, I couldn’t give you up if I tried. I’ve spent every second of every fucking day missing you. Sick to my stomach, dying every fucking day over leaving you.” He takes in a deep breath, then gentles his tone, “I will love you with every breath until my dying day. Baby, always. Do you understand me?Always.” He tenderly slides one hand behind my neck and rubs his thumb back and forth across my throat. I feel paralyzed as I grapple with his words. I felt every syllable he just spoke to the marrow of my bones. Each wordwarmed me, healing something deep within me. But do I believe him? Has too much damage been done?
“Liam…” he moves in closer to me, his body pressed fully against mine now. “Love isn’t enough.” He doesn’t move away from me, though.
“I can’t leave you, Britain.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but his touch increases in pressure.
Somehow I find the resolve to strengthen my voice. I remember him sliding the ring off my finger. I remember sobbing in the ambulance. I remember Jess peeling me off my bathroom floor because I could hardly take care of myself. I let the memories harden me, strengthening my resolve.
“You can and you will. You’ve done it before, you’ll do it again. Whether that’s right now, or years down the road. Whatever we are, whatever wewere,loveisn’t enough to sustain it. These feelings will fade, and without trust and communication,wewon’t be anything at all, so let’s not start this again.” I push out and away from underneath him and I don’t look back. Not as I walk back into the church, and not as I walk back to the tent.Don’t look back, Britain.
As soon as I enter the VIP section, I spot Matthias easily, our eyes connecting regardless of the hordes of people. He can see my tear-stained cheeks and starts moving towards me relentlessly, pushing through groups of innocent bystanders. As soon as we’re in front of each other, he just cups my face in his hands gently and asks, “Are you okay, sweetheart?” I shake my head, and he nods in understanding.
“Don’t move. I’ll be back in just a second.” He slips away from me, and I take a moment to glance around. I don’t see Liam anywhere, but I do notice Gina shooting daggers in my direction. I don’t know why.He’s all yours, sweetheart.My stomach rolls at the thought, but I have to start getting used to it. Liam’s not mine. Not anymore.
Matthias comes back and grabs my hand, leading the way out, and says “Let’s go.” I just nod in response. As we walk to the parking area beside the church, I glimpse those blue eyes watching Matthias and I walking. I raise one corner of my mouth in acknowledgement, but it’s not a happy gesture. It’s a farewell.
FIFTEEN
Matthias
Damnit. I thought I’d have more time with her before Liam came back. The timing of his return is…less than ideal. I was getting so close.Finally.
I saw him chase after her to the bathroom and I thought about following, too, but ultimately I figured Britain didn’t need to see me give Liam another black eye. I’m still pissed at him for not telling me Britain was here. For six fucking weeks, she was withhim. My blood starts to boil every time I think about it, and I think about it a lot.Britain is mine.
I’m trying my hardest to calm down before we get to the car because Britain doesn’t need me piling on to her problems, but I just hate that he still upsets her like this. In general, I hate that she’s upset, period. I wish I could solve all her problems. I wish I could give her a life where she doesn’t have to worry about anything.I know Dad, I’m trying. I’m trying to take care of her.But Liam messes up my plans, of which I have many…
I look to my right to check on Brit, but she seems lost in a daze. Her tears have dried, leaving little gray lines runningdown her face from her makeup, and she has that exhausted look about her again. When I picked her up this evening, she looked like the old Brit for the first time, but all it took was one Liam sighting, and we're right back to square one. She has that same dead-tired, barely alive look she had at the hospital.God, I could fucking kill him.
The car is already running by the time we get to it, so hopefully it’s cooled down enough for her. Wedging between my G-Wagen and the car parked beside us, I open her door.
“Alright, babe,” I say as I use my hand to guide her into the car. She doesn’t respond, just nods once in acknowledgement and I close her door gently.
Before I make my way over to the driver’s side, I stop, leaning back against the trunk door. Not exactly the way I pictured our “first”realdate going.Damn.
Instead of getting in on my side, I walk back to her side, re-opening the door. She looks at me in confusion, but I just keep moving. I slide her heels off her feet, setting them to the side, then recline the seat back for her. I run my hand over her head, feeling her silky hair glide between my fingers, and tell her, “Rest, babe. I’ll drive you home, okay?” I turn to shut the car door when she stops me.
She’s so quiet sometimes. I smile, remembering, and lean back into the car to hear her say, “I don’t want to go home, Mats.” She pauses a moment before finishing, “I want to be with you, tonight.” Her words are like music to my ears.Yes, finally.God, all I’ve wanted, for years, was to hear those words. My smile goes so wide, it hurts. I’m not entirely sure if she means she just wants to be with me tonightonly, or togethertogether, but I don't give a crap right now. I’ll take anything. Her breadcrumbs, her baby steps,anything.
“Do you want to go to my house?” She nods, and I smile, leaning over to drop a quick kiss on her cheek. “Mmm, you’rea bit salty, babe,” I chuckle as I pull away. She blushes, then immediately puts her hands to her cheeks to rub at the tear stains. Crap, I didn’t mean to make her feel bad about it.
“I’ll run you a bath at the house, if you want?” I rub her thigh gently as I ask. Just picturing her in the tub at my house is already driving me mad with need for her.I fucking need her.
“I’d like that,” she says, then smiles. She has no damn idea what I’d do to make her smile like that again.
Once I’ve parked in the driveway, I hustle around to open her door for her. She gives me a sheepish smile and a “Thank you,” and when I let go of her hand, the nervousness hits me. I haven’t brought her to my house since she’s been back. I wonder if she’ll like it. My house is nice in that everything is from Restoration Hardware, but it’s not ‘designer nice’ like Liam’s. God, I hate that I keep comparing myself to him. I thought about it earlier in the car, too. Like, does she like the G-Wagen more than the Range Rover? Does she wish I was more like him? Fuck, I’ve got to stop with that stupid shit, though.I’m Matthias-fucking-Scala.
We walk through the garage before heading in, but she halts halfway. “You still have it?” She asks as I’m unlocking the door. I’m surprised she can even tell what it is. It’s dark and the Camaro is covered.
“Um, yeah. Just never really wanted to get rid of it.” I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that I’ve kept it. Brit probably doesn’t have the best memories of it, but the whole reason I kept it was for the memories I had with her in it.
