Page 169 of The Secret We Keep
My heart squeezes painfully. “Because it was just you talking, curly fries.”
“No.” Quick, tight breaths escape her nose. Her pupils dilate. “No, Paddy. Why are you being so cruel?”
Her mum steps forwards as I try to hold it together as best I can. “Do you have your phone, love?”
Morgan nods, her jaw quivering.
“Can you show me your messages to Holly?”
Realising what her mother’s asking, Morgan quickly finds her phone in her back pocket, holding it up once she’s found the messages.
“Will you read them out to me?” Julie asks, looking down at the phone.
Morgan proceeds to do just that, reading the one-way conversations she’s been having with herself.
It’s fucking awful to listen to. How much she has relied on her best friend who passed away when the girls were only eighteen. Too young to die, too young to know loss, Morgan never recovered.
My girl never let Holly go. Never grasped or accepted that one of her best friends was gone and never coming back. That’s what triggered her disorder. The emotional stress was too much for her.
Looking confused, her eyes hone in on her phone. She looks closer, eyes zipping from left to right.
Come on, curly fries, you can do it. You can do it, baby. I’m right here with you. You can do it.
Willing her to realise what’s really happening here, my stomach twists into knots when she looks up, and her shoulders sag. “Did you delete the messages?”
Fuck.
I shake my head slowly.
“Was it Jerry?” Her eyes narrow. “Is he in on this, because I wouldn’t put it past him to try and pull a stunt like this on me.”
Julie takes a step forward. “No, love. Nobody deleted any messages. Your brother,” she wraps her arms around her middle, “he’s scared, that’s all.”
Their eyes lock, and I’m merely a spectator. “Scared?” Morgan asks, her shoulders slumping. “Of me?”
Julie’s shaking hands come up to her cheeks. “Goodness, no. Not of you. None of us are scaredofyou. We’re scaredforyou, love.”
Seconds tick. The clock in her room growing ever louder.
“Dad?” Morgan gives her dad a look, her throat bobbing up and down.
Bill sighs heavily. I know their relationship has been far from perfect. But what I once assumed was lack of caring or emotion, was merely his fear of losing his daughter.
I’ve lived with the same fear since I found out why he was so controlling. Never letting her out of his sight, always telling her what to do… it was to keep her close. In his own fucked up way, it was to keep hersafe.
The countless times Morgan spoke about Holly as if she was with us, or the endless times she had spoken about her in the present tense. I wrongly assumed it was her way of handling it. Little did I know she believed it to be true.
Bill inhales loudly. “It’s the truth.” I can tell by the wavering of his voice that’s the first time he’s admitted that.
Morgan looks between all three of us before spinning around and giving us her back. “Get out of my room.” None of us immediately move. “Now,” she orders, grabbing handfuls of her golden hair.
I don’t want to leave her at all. But when I see her parents beginning to move, I drop my gaze, following their lead. When I turn back to look at her, Morgan’s assessing the photos of her and her friends dotted around the mirror on her dresser.
My mind opens up, thinking of another way. One last push. One last try. If Morgan can’t see the truth for herself, then my worry is she’ll never see it. I have to try.
“Morgan?”
Her head drops to look over her shoulder, but she doesn’t give me her eyes.
