Page 79 of Reaching Avery
I didn’t move. I just stared at the chipped paint on the door, the grass leading up to the small, caving-in porch, and the living room window.
Sometimes I thought the house was haunted—not by ghosts, but by emotions. Anger, sadness, depression, more anger. It was as if when I walked across the threshold, my outlook on life changed. Any happiness faded and left something sinister in its wake. The itch moved under my skin and it’d take all my strength not to go in that bathroom.
I could feel it starting to stir, and I knew my reprieve from it wouldn’t last as long as I’d hoped.
“Hey.” Maverick’s hand gently squeezed mine. “You okay?”
When I turned my head and looked at him, a tear escaped my eye. I quickly wiped it away.
“Yeah,” I lied, unfastening my seatbelt. But when I tried to pull away from him, his hold on my hand tightened.
“Don’t lie,” he said, studying me in a way that told me he saw right through my façade. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m not. Everything’s fine,” I said, finally letting go of his hand. I instantly missed his warmth. “I’m just zoning. See you tomorrow?”
Maverick nodded as a faraway look came into his eyes. “Yeah. See ya.”
Now was my chance to escape before I broke down in front of him, but I hesitated.
He must’ve been confused by all of my mood swings—my back and forth about being his friend in the beginning, then agreeing to date him and in the same hour, sinking into another low and becoming distant.
I didn’t want him to think I was playing games with him.
“I’m sorry,” I said, staring at his side profile. Even at seventeen, he had the kind of jawline most models would’ve killed for. I still found myself being intimidated by how hot he was sometimes. Knowing how kindhearted he was, though, helped wash that uneasiness away. “You don’t deserve my type of crazy. If you want to back out now, from dating me or whatever, you can. I’ll understand.”
Mav focused on me. “I’m not backing out. It’s just…” His gaze shifted to the steering wheel where he had a hand draped over the top. “Just when I think you’re opening up to me… letting me see the real you… you withdraw again. And I don’t know if it’s because you don’t trust me or if I’m doing something wrong.”
I hated that I was making him doubt himself. As if my self-loathing could get any lower, that thought did it.
“You’re not doing anything wrong,” I said. “When I told you that night at the train tracks that I’m complicated, I meant it. It’s nothing you’ve done.” My throat tightened, and I looked away from him. “There’s just things about my life… about my past… that still impact me. I’ve tried letting it all go, but it’s not just a simple fix.”
“Does it have to do with what you said about your dad?” he asked. Abruptly, I turned my head toward him. His eyes widened. “I’m sorry, Avery. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m just trying to understand you—”
“You’re right,” I said, tired of lying to him and making excuses. “He’s part of it. Because of everything that happened with him, it caused the other screwed up things. Like a sick as hell chain reaction of events.”
The emotion I hated crossed his face: pity. It’s one reason I hadn’t told him anything about it yet. I didn’t want him to see me differently.
I just wanted him to seeme. Not my issues.
“You’re not gonna tell me more, are you?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Maybe one day.”
“Well, I guess I’ll just need to be patient, huh?” As the smile touched his lips, I felt the tension release from my shoulders. “You don’t know my secrets either.” He cocked his head and lifted a brow. “I could be a superhero for all you know. Going to school by day and kicking bad guys’ asses by night.”
Grinning at his weirdness, I opened the door. “See you later, Mav.” He didn’t respond, and I turned back to him once I was out of the car. He looked sad. “Mav?”
“I hate this part,” he said, and the way he pouted nearly made me laugh. But I couldn’t tell if he was seriously upset or not, so I suppressed it and only laughed on the inside. “I’ll have to wait until the morning to talk to you again.”
If I had a job, I could’ve had a phone and texted him like normal kids my age, but no place I’d applied had hired me yet. That had never crossed my mind as a con of him being with me. Until now.
“I’m sorry,” I said, but before I could let the negativity ruin our goodbye, I grinned. “Looks like you’ll just have to court me like the old days. Write me an ode or something.”
The goofy grin on his face was too cute. “Shall I climb the balcony outside thou window and recite Shakespeare too?”
I rolled my eyes. “Goodnight, big guy.”
I shut the door, but not before I saw him smile. It was an image I’d try to hold onto all night. Things might’ve gone a bit askew with us that evening, but it had ended with a smile. That’s what mattered.
