Page 36 of Reaching Avery
I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to be searching for, but her vague message and the boding tone of it unsettled me. After taking several breaths to steady my nerves, I exited out of our chat box and clicked on the Instagram icon.
The first few posts were from Sarah: one was a selfie using the black and white filter, and she looked beautiful, and the other was of her dinner. One post was from Travis at the gym, showing off his muscles in the mirror with like a million fitness hashtags beneath it. My nerves calmed a bit as I continued to scroll through them all. So far, there hadn’t been anything upsetting, and I wondered why Sarah had seemed so weird.
Then I saw it.
Chris had posted that morning. In the picture, he was holding the phone in selfie fashion and smiling as another guy kissed him on the cheek. It was just from the collarbone up, but I could tell they were in bed and shirtless. The text beneath it read “waking up with this guy makes every morning perfect.”
I dropped my phone.
My vision blurred with tears right before a strangled sob left my lips.
I had suspected he was cheating, but coming face-to-face with the truth was entirely different. So many emotions went through me: anger, sadness, confusion, and more anger. Instead of just telling me he wanted to break-up, he’d had to keep leading me on with the scattered texts while he was out with another guy.
Enough was enough. I called him.
“Hey,” he answered after only three rings.
I was taken aback at first, not expecting him to actually answer. I’d been planning on leaving him a pissy voicemail and had been running over what to say in my head. Hearing his voice though? The anger washed away and all that was left was the heartache.
“Just saw your post. Why didn’t you tell me?” I managed to ask through my pain.
A sigh followed, and his breath caused some static on the line. “Mav… I… I didn’t want you to find out like that. I—”
“Then you should’ve told me sooner instead of hiding it, Chris!” The anger was back, but now it was fueled with the pain of a broken heart. “Making me find out you’re cheating like this is just a lowball move and you know it. You’ve been distant with me, and I suspected something was up, but I didn’t want to believe it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and his tone reflected his words. “But the long distance thing just wasn’t working, and I was too afraid to tell you. You’re such an amazing guy, and if things were different, you’d be the one I want. But I can’t do it when you’re literally on the other side of the country. I love you… I’m just not in love with you anymore.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see.
I didn’t know what to say. The impulsive side of me wanted to scream at him, call him awful names, and make him feel like crap for being such a lowlife cheater. However, the bigger part of me—the one that hated conflict and was too soft-hearted—just sat there in silence.
“Please say something, Mav.”
We had been each other’s firsts for everything. My first kiss and first time having sex would always belong to him. His betrayal was an all-consuming sadness that reached into my chest, grabbed my heart, and crushed it into pieces. It wasn’t so much the breaking up that hurt, but rather the secrecy and stabbing me in the back.
I’d had thoughts of Avery that were more than friendly, but I would’ve never done what Chris had.
“Bye, Chris.”
He started to say something, but I hung up the phone, not in the mood to hear it.
I didn’t call or text Sarah like I said I would. Doing anything in that moment other than lying on the bed like a sad, pitiful lump was too much.
Mom came to tell me dinner was ready, and I told her I’d eat later. My appetite was shot. She gave me a strange look, but accepted my answer and left.
I didn’t cry. Maybe I’d shed enough tears over Chris in the past few months, so there weren’t any more to shed.
