Page 82 of Broken Secrets
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Mom asks, pulling me into a hug that smells like her perfume and worry.
“Better. But embarrassed.”
“There’s nothing embarrassing about that,” Robert says firmly. “You’ve been through a lot of changes recently, and your body was telling you to slow down and process everything.”
“The doctor said the same thing. She thinks I’ve been under more stress than I realized.”
Mom and Derek exchange looks over my head.
“What?” I ask.
“We’ve been worried about that,” Mom admits. “You’ve been handling everything so well that we didn’t want to add to your stress by suggesting you might be overwhelmed. But you’ve been staying up later, picking at your food, seeming distracted even during family time.”
“I thought I was handling everything fine.”
“You have been handling everything fine,” Derek says. “But handling something well doesn’t mean it’s not stressful. Meeting your father, building a relationship with Emma, college applications, our relationship getting more serious; those are all good things, but they’re also big changes.”
“What about Emma potentially moving here?” Robert asks. “How are you feeling about that possibility?”
“Excited. But also nervous about how it would change our family dynamic, whether she’d fit in at school, if Jeremy would be happy here.”
As I say the words, I realize how many things I’ve been thinking about without acknowledging the emotional weight of all that mental processing.
“That’s a lot to be carrying around,” Mom observes. “Even if you’re handling each individual thing well.”
“So what do I do? I can’t just stop caring about any of these things.”
“You don’t have to stop caring,” Robert says. “But you might need to be more intentional about managing stress and taking care of yourself while you’re dealing with big changes.”
“Like what?”
“Getting enough sleep, for starters,” Mom says. “And eating actual meals instead of grabbing whatever’s convenient while you’re thinking about other things,”
“Maybe talking about what you’re feeling instead of just trying to handle everything internally,” Robert suggests.
“I talk to you guys all the time.”
“You update us on what’s happening,” Mom corrects. “But you don’t usually tell us how you’re feeling about what’s happening. There’s a difference.”
That evening, Derek stays for dinner and we spend time actually talking about how we’re feeling about various changes instead of just what’s happening with them. It’s a different kind of conversation than we usually have, more introspective and honest about uncertainty. It’s nice.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
It’s beena month since my panic attack at soccer practice, and I’ve settled into a better routine, regular sleep, actual meals, and conversations about how I’m feeling instead of just powering through everything.
The biggest change has been my nightly video calls with Emma. What started as check-ins about her potential move to California has evolved into the kind of sister relationship I never knew I was missing. We talk about everything—school drama, college, the books we’re reading, the shows we’re binge-watching. Sometimes Jeremy joins the calls, and those conversations feel increasingly natural, like we’re building something real instead of just trying to fill in eighteen years of blanks.
“I officially submitted my application for early admission to your school,” Emma announces during our Wednesday night call. She’s sitting in what appears to be her bedroom, wearing a Michigan State sweatshirt and looking both excited and nervous. “Dad talked to the principal today, and if everything goes through, I could start second semester.”
“That’s only two months away,” I say, trying to process the timeline. “Are you ready for that?”
“More than ready. Mom and I had another fight yesterday about college visits. She wants me to only look at schools within a three-hour drive of home, and I told her I’m considering UC San Diego and UC Santa Barbara.”
“How did that go over?”
“About as well as you’d expect. Lots of comments about family loyalty and not abandoning the people who raised me.” Emma adjusts her laptop camera. “But Dad backed me up. He said I should explore all my options, including California schools.”
“Where would you live?”
