Page 9 of Empty Heat
“But every omega has some discomfort. At least, at first, right?”
“It varies. But yes, most feel some twinges or initial pain. In heat, omegas produce a lot more slick than normal and that eases the act. But preparation is always encouraged in and out of heats.”
“I’ve talked with friends.” Of course I had. I’d done my research. I’d listened to all the brags, read online accounts, read romance novels, watched porn. Everyone seemed to be having fun but me. “They never had my experience.”
“I’ve had discomfort,” Rhodes admitted. “That’s usually only if my partner is inconsiderate of me. I am a sex therapist and I still make bad choices sometimes. Alphas are all different, and some are more compatible for omegas than others.”
“It seems to me like all omegas are compatible for alphas, though.” I didn’t add that I thought alphas got all the fun. And I didn’t mean because they topped. I meant because we, as omegas, were always—always—expected to submit and give them what they needed or wanted as a priority over our own needs.
I desired that feeling of submission, though. I didn’t really fantasize about topping, although I was willing to try switching if I found the right mate.
Rhodes let out a single laugh. “It does seem like that sometimes, yes. There are many alpha brutes in this world.”
“Yeah. But that’s just a fact of life. It doesn’t mean I’m not still attracted to alphas. So my pain response, what is that about? And is there some procedure that can fix me?” I asked.
“You are made in a way that will cause you more pain than most omegas. That’s a fact,” Rhodes began. “I know of no surgery to help in that matter. What we can offer here is knowledge. Knowledge of your body, of what it can take, of how to better prepare yourself for a mating, and to make your life more enjoyable. Your sex life, at the very least.”
I couldn’t help the defeated feeling that washed over me. “But I already know something’s wrong. How can more knowledge help me?”
“You know generally what is different about you. It’s an unhelpful diagnosis if there is not more for you to learn. This is why Dr. Sedonis prescribed Omega Island and suggested sexual surrogacy to help. It was the only therapy left he could see for you. Your body’s special needs are not something that can only be explained in pictures or words. Everyone is unique. A picture or literary description is another generality. You have to feel your way through this yourself.”
I nodded, biting hard at the underside of my lower lip. I didn’t have to love the idea of sexual surrogacy to agree to it.
“Knowledge of your body empowers you,” Rhodes added.
Again, I nodded. I certainly hadn’t felt any of that with any relationship I’d tried to have.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Rhodes said.
“Empowerment,” I said. “That’s a good word.”
“You didn’t have that when you had your first time.”
“No.” I tried not to wince. Even now, the memory filled me with apprehension. “It was my fault.”
“Are you all right if we talk about that?”
“Yes. I need to. That’s what I came here for. To explore everything.” My body gave an internal shudder at the memory but I wanted to talk to him about all of it.
“Do you really think it’s your fault?” Rhodes looked concerned.
“Yes. I should have been able to—to—” I couldn’t finish my sentence.
“Did he take his time? Ask you what you felt?”
“Um, not really.” I flushed all over.
“Did he know you were a virgin?”
“Yes. It seemed to arouse him more when he found that out.”
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean when you make that sound?” I didn’t like the humming. Like he knew something but wasn’t saying it.
“Did you trust him?” Rhodes asked instead of answering.
“I guess. I don’t know.” I felt put on the spot as always when talking about this subject.
