Page 31 of A Very Oceanport Christmas
I blinked rapidly, refusing to shed any more tears over this, even as my dad's grief hit me deeply. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad. I just... I wanted..." My voice broke off before I could say again that I'd wanted to be an adult and handle my own shit. I knew now that I'd been stupid. Being an adult didn't mean never accepting help from the people who loved you.
"You wanted to do everything by yourself, didn't you?"
I nodded, leaning forward slightly to cradle my head in my hands.
Dad rubbed circles on my back. "You've always been like that. Even when you were only four years old. You'd slap my hand away when I tried to tie your shoes. And letting you trip over your laces didn't teach you a damn thing."
The laugh that escaped me sounded suspiciously like a hiccup as it mixed with a sob. I wanted to say that I was going to be better, but I didn't trust myself to speak.
Thankfully, Dad didn't expect any more words from me. "Next time something big happens in your life, good or bad, just let us know, okay? And not six months later after it's all said and done."
I nodded. I could do that.
"Your paps and I love you and we want to be a part of your life no matter how old you get, understood?"
I nodded again and straightened. "I get it now," I said, wiping at my eyes. Stupid pregnancy hormones.
"Good." Dad blew out a long breath. "I still wish I could punch the asshole who did this to you."
I stared ahead, out the windshield. There wasn't much to see but a stretch of road, lined by trees with bare branches. "I'm just glad to be back home now."
"I'm glad to have you here too, even if the circumstances aren't ideal."
"You still want to pick out a tree?" I asked.
"Yes." Dad slowly started the car again. "We're going to pick the best damn tree ever," he said as if he was determined to have a good holiday no matter what life threw at him. I felt myself smile. Dad always bounced back from everything.
I wanted to be more like him.
Maybe that would be a good New Year's resolution?
I wiped at my eyes again as Dad put us back on the road, en route to the Christmas tree sale. For a while, neither of us spoke, but the silence that settled over us wasn't the bad kind of silence. "I'm glad we talked things over," I found myself saying.
"Yes," Dad agreed. "Especiallybeforethe holidays. Much better than having this blow up over the dinner table at Christmas." Dad gave me a small smile. "Dean is hosting the family dinner this year, and you know how upset his mate gets when we don't pay his cooking the respect it deserves."
I found myself laughing, because yeah, I did know that. "Uncle Dean's a great cook, though."
"True, I'm looking forward to stuffing my belly."
I leaned back in my seat, feeling my spirits lift just a little. And they lifted even more at my Dad's next words.
"You should bring your boyfriend."
"David?"
"Do you have another boyfriend?"
"No!" I said quickly.
Dad laughed, then sobered again. "Seriously, though, I'm glad you got David to support you in this," his gaze flickered to my belly, "and the holidays must be hard on him."
"They are, I think. He didn't even want to hang up decorations in the store because his mom used to do that."
"It's not easy to celebrate Christmas when you're missing a loved one."
"Yeah, no shit." At the same time that I said that, I wondered when David and his dad were going to get their tree. If they were going to get a tree at all. They might not. They hadn't decorated the apartment either. Only the ice cream parlor down below.
How had it taken me this long to notice that?
