Page 29 of Forever & Again
“That seems like a question you should ask Oliver.” He paused, a dim twinkle in his eye. “And from what I have heard, you should have plenty of opportunities.” The playful smile that stretched across his face gave Grace a flicker of hope that they could survive this after all.
She sat in silence as Matthew walked away, though the sound of her own thoughts were deafening. She had expected the summer to be difficult, but not in the ways she had experienced. Her heart was sore from the constant ache, but it wasn’t Benjamin’s absence that caused her the most pain—it was the realization that she was able to find moments of joy when he was not a part of them.
Grace could feel Oliver’s presence before she saw him. She looked up as he reached her, her heart stuck somewhere between the flutters in her chest and the lump in her throat. In the waning light, his eyes resembled the inky dark sky at midnight, and she had a feeling that the soft shimmer inside of them was not from his easy humor, but unshed tears.
Grace fixed her gaze on her lap as he came to stand in front of her. It was much easier to think clearly if she was not looking at him.
Why did the man have to be so infuritatingly handsome.Her cheeks warmed at the unexpected thought. She cleared her throat as though it would clear her mind. “Have you come to tell me I was wrong?” She forced out, hoping she sounded more at ease than she felt.
“No,” His voice was softer than normal, sending a chill down Grace’s arms—or most likely it was just the fading sun and the coolness of the evening.
“I have come to ask if you are alright.”
Grace raised her chin to meet his eyes again. When they met Grace felt the chill wrap itself around her entire body. She felt frozen under his gaze, unable to speak and unable to look away.
He still stood in front of her as though waiting for an invitation to join her, but she was unable to form the words. As long as she remained fixed on his gaze, she was unable to form a single coherent thought.
Oliver finally turned away first, scanning the perimeter of the gardens. “Would you like to take a walk with me?” He asked softly.
“I do not know the right way to navigate this.” It was not an answer to his question, but the words had escaped before she could think better of them.
Out of all the people in the world capable of offering her their wisdom, she never thought she would find herself desiring to speak to Oliver Blackburn.
“The garden paths?” His eyes light up above his wry smile. Grace shook her head, knowing he was fully aware of her meaning. His shoulders lifted with a deep sigh before lowering himself onto the bench beside her.
“There is no right way, Grace.” He avoided looking at her, but she could clearly see the reflection of the tears he held back still in his eyes.
“I used to think that grief had a shape,” his voice was rough like gravel. “But it is not something you can trace the contours of and live around. It changes, and the moment you think you have got ahold of it, it turns into something else.”
His words broke something loose in Grace’s chest. Not from her own pain, but from a desire to protect him from his—whatever it was that he held onto so tightly.
“Sarah’s grief looks different than yours, but it is not any less real. Be patient with her. I am sure if you ask, she will extend you the same courtesy.”
Grace watched him intently. The softened set of his jaw, the sadness in his eyes disguised as indifference, the smile that shone bright but never quite reached his heart. She could hear the crack in his voice just before it bent it into lightness and jest. How had she never seen him like this before, when now every detail was achingly clear?
Oliver shifted under her gaze, uneasy. “Why do you look angry?”
Grace forced a soft smile. “Because you are making it incredibly difficult for me not to like you.” The honesty felt strange on her tongue, yet it sparked something warm in her chest.
Oliver laughed. “That was the plan, remember.”
Grace’s smile faltered as his laughter lingered in the air. The questions that had been pressing on her since tea rose to her lips. Did she truly want to hear his answer? She feared that if she knew his true motives, it might unravel the last bit of distance she was trying so hard to maintain.
“Oliver, were you aware that fishing was one of Benjamin’s favorite pastimes?”
She felt him tense beside her, the truth of what she had suspected becoming more and more clear.
“He may have mentioned it in passing once or twice.” His voice cracked slightly, his posture shifting on the bench in unease.”
“As well as archery?” She pressed on.
“Now that you mention it, that does sound familiar.”
“He was also most intrigued by birds.”
Oliver stayed silent. The fact that he was becoming increasingly nervous under her questioning made Grace surprisingly more comfortable, and truthfully, a slightly amused.
“Eveytime it rained, he would come sit in the library with me and teach me chess.”
