Page 152 of Tiger's Quest
I looked up. Big mistake.
Kishan looked vulnerable. Sort of hopelessand hopefulat the same time. Wanting to believe but not daring to. He seemed angry, frustrated, and unfulfilled. His despairing golden eyes were full of longing, but they also glittered with determination.
“But . . . I just can’t help thinking that maybe Ren was taken for a reason. That maybe fate intervened. That maybe you were meant to be withmeall along.”
I replied bitingly, “The onlyreasonthat Ren was taken was becausehevolunteered himself to save our lives. Is this how you repay him?”
I watched the sting of my words wound him. It was easy to blame Kishan, but I was more upset withmyreaction to him. I felt incredibly guilty about letting the kiss happen at all. My accusation was as much to me as to him. That I’d actually enjoyed his kiss made me feel even worse.
He swam to the side and rested his back against the wall of the pool. “You think I don’t care, don’t you? You think I don’t feel anything for my brother. But I do. Despite everything that’s happened, I wish I was the one who had been taken. You’d have Ren. Ren would have you. And I’d get what I deserved.”
“Kishan!”
“I’m serious. Do you think a day goes by that I don’thatemyself for what I’ve done? For what Ifeel?”
I winced.
“You think I wanted to fall for you? I stayed away from you! I gavehimthe chance to be with you! But there’s another part of me that askswhat if?What ifyou’renotsupposed to be with Ren?What ifyou were supposed to be the answer tomyprayers? Not his!”
He watched me from the other side of the pool. Even from this far away, I could see that he was hurting.
“Kishan, I—”
“And before you say anything, I want to warn you that I don’t want your sympathy. It would be better if you said nothing than if you tried to tell me you didn’t like it or that you feel only friendship for me.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“Good. Then are you admitting that youdidlike it? That thereischemistry between us? That youareattracted to me?”
“Do youneedme to admit it?”
He folded his arms across his chest. “Yes. I think I do.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Fine! I admit it. I liked it. We have chemistry. Yes! I’m attracted to you. It was nice. In fact, it wassonice that it actually made me forget Ren for all of about five seconds. Are you happy now?”
“Yes.”
“Well,I’mnot.”
“I can see that.” He assessed me from across the pool. “So all I got was five seconds, huh?”
“Honestly, it was probably more like thirty.”
He grunted. His arms were still crossed over his chest, but he wore a very self-satisfied-male type of grin now.
I sighed unhappily. “Kishan, I—”
He interrupted, “Do you remember when we escaped the House of Sirens in Shangri-la?”
“Yes.”
“And you said you escaped because you thought of Ren?”
I nodded.
“Well, I escaped because I thought of you. You filled my thoughts, and the spell of the sirens went away. Don’t you think that means anything? Couldn’t it mean that maybewewere meant to be together? The truth is, Kells, I’ve thought about you for a long time. Since I first met you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.”
A tear fell down my cheek, and I said softly, “I’m sorry for all that’s happened. I’m sorry for everything that you’ve been through. And I’m especially sorry for any suffering I’m causing you. I don’t know what to say, Kishan. You’re a wonderful guy.Toowonderful. If the situation were different, I’d probably still be over there kissing you.”
