Page 132 of One Night Only
“Well,” he says eventually. “He shouldn’t have done that.”
“Because you told him not to?”
“Because it’s private.”
“I made him tell me,” I say. “So don’t blame this on him. I found an old blog post about the two of you.”
“You looked me up?”
“That’s what you’re focusing on?”
“What else should I be focusing on?”
“How about the fact that you’re married?”
“Separated.”
“But not divorced. You don’t think there’s a difference between the two things? You knew,” I say. “Youknewwhat happened with my parents. I told you how it messed me up and you kept this from me. You went to Chicago to see her?”
“I did. I had some work to do as well. I didn’t lie to you about that.”
“You told Paul you were in Boston.”
“Because I didn’t want him to worry about me and her. He worried about us a lot before.”
“And should he be worried about you now?”
He leans forward. He looks pissed off again. “The last time Fiona and I spoke before this week was a year ago when her grandmother died. I called to offer my condolences. The last time I saw her in person was two years ago when she returned her engagement ring. It’s a family heirloom and she didn’t want to put it in the mail. I gave it back to Mam who gave it to Paul who eventually gave it to Annie. We are not in touch.”
“So why did you go see her?” It’s impossible to keep the hurt from my voice. Declan stays quiet and I can’t take it. “Answer me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“You don’twantto?”
“This is not how I want to talk about this.”
I stare at him in disbelief. “Well, tough shit, because that’s what we’re doing.”
“You’re upset, Sarah. Not only are you upset about me not telling you about Fiona, you’ve just lost your job, which is a pretty big, terrible thing. So again, no, I’m not having this conversation right now.” Sometime in the past few moments, his face has gone very pale, his body tense in a way I’ve never seen before.
“Do you still have feelings for her?”
“Of course, I do. But not what you— Sarah.”
I stand, running my hands up and down my thighs. I can’t sit still. I can’t look at him. I’d been so careful. So careful to do this right and yet he comes along and ruins everything and now I’ll get hurt. I’m getting hurt. The pain is intense. A sharp throb in my chest, a punch of disappointment that’s worse than losing the job. That’s almost as bad as when I lost Josh.
“Please sit down,” Declan says even though he rises too. “This is why I don’t want to talk about this now. You’re upset.”
“I’m not upset over you,” I lie, fleeing to the relative safety of the kitchen.
“I know.” The calm mask slips from his face, alarm creeping in. “I meant upset about your job.”
“I don’t want to talk about my stupid job,” I snap. “If you don’t want to tell me, then why are you still here?”
My knee is shaking. My hand is shaking. I want to scream at him. I want to hit something. All this energy is building inside of me and I don’t know what to do with it. He wants to break this off. That’s the only reason for all of this. Maybe he thought he would go see her and tell her about me to make her jealous. It’s the only thing I can think of. The only explanation for why he’s refusing to tell the truth. Maybe he thought he could string this out a bit more. Keep his options open.
“You’re really not going to talk to me?” I ask finally.
