Page 143 of String Boys
“You go to New York,” Kelly told him, steel in his voice.
“No—”
“No, that’s my condition. That’s… I’ll….” His indrawn breath was ugly, jagged, not even human. “I’ll say it. I’ll walk away if you don’t. Go to New York, Seth. Go and fly.”
A sob racked him, and it hurt. “No—”
“I swear to God, I’ll do it!”
“Fine,” he managed to say. “Fine. Whatever. You think that’s gonna keep me away from you? You think that’s gonna make me want you any less? You listen to me, Kelly Cruz. You keep talking about me walking around in the stars—youaremy star. You are my true star. And I willneverwalk away from you.”
Kelly leaned over the railing then and buried his face against Seth’s throat. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I was supposed to… it was supposed to be over. I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to do that now.”
His mouth fell on Seth’s, briny, desperate, so damned sad, and Seth responded. Kelly was the one who ripped himself away, hardly able to breathe.
“I love you,mijo.Goodbye.”
And then he was gone, and Seth was sobbing so hard, the nurse had to come in and sedate him. They were afraid he’d crack a rib.
HIS FATHERcame in the next day to help pick up the pieces, and Seth could tell by the way he spoke, by his care when talking about Linda, when talking about Kelly, when talking about the whole family, that he… he was on Kelly’s side.
“This isn’t fair,” he rasped. “Dad, I want to be there—”
“How much help are you going to be if you end up in jail because Matty can’t keep his mouth shut,” his dad said bluntly, raking his hand through his graying blond hair. “C’mon, Seth. You and Kelly, you’ve endured separations before—”
“But he wants me to walk way, Dad.” Seth wasn’t sure if he could convey how bad this was. “He… he wants me to go to New York.”
Craig smiled tiredly. “Then go to New York. Come back for Christmas. Come back earlier. Come back for his birthday. Just… just give him some space now.”
Seth nodded, but his dad wasn’t fooled. He bent over the bed and used a tissue to wipe his face. “You’re hurt,” he said softly. “And your heart is hurt. And so is Kelly’s. This…. Have some faith. I’ve watched you both grow up, you know? You’re both such good men, Seth. I can’t… I can’t emphasize that enough. You both have such good hearts. Go to New York. Give your lover some space. He’ll come back.”
Seth rolled his eyes, because they both knew there were two options to that statement.
“Or he won’t. But if he doesn’t, you’ll be somewhere you can start fresh. Okay?”
Seth grunted. Fine. Whatever. He didn’t care.
“Good. I’ll call Amara and what’s her name? Your agent? The really pushy one?”
“Susan,” Seth said reluctantly. “Susan Sargent.” She represented Amara too. He wasn’t sure how that had happened, but she seemed to be making him money, so he guessed he was okay with that.
“Good. I’ll have her set you up.”
“Dad, she’s not supposed to—”
“Sure, she is. That’s what you pay her for. Besides, she’s been so pushy about the New York thing, I bet she’d let you live in her basement for free if you agreed to go for a year—”
“Ayear!”
And Craig’s lighthearted air of adventure bled away, leaving in its place what this really was. “Matty’s threatened to out you before, Seth. And he’s not going to be rational now. He’s going to be feeling like shit and in a lot of pain. I love Kelly—don’t get me wrong. But I’ll be damned if I see you go to jail because Matty can hold a grudge.”
Matty just had to go to the police and talk about Kelly’s boyfriend, who looked like hell the morning after Castor Durant was killed. Seth would be in jail, Chloe would be in foster care, and everything Seth knew would be over.
Oh God. Maybe—just maybe—Seth should have talked about this earlier.
Maybe even eight years earlier, before the weight of the things he’d never said threatened to weigh him and Kelly down to the bottom of their own personal rivers.
“Dad, about Castor Durant, I don’t think—”
