Page 79 of Ezra
His voice is soft, filled with a pain I’m not sure I understand. “What do you mean?”
“I’m going to live for a very long time. Longer than what is natural for human beings. I don’t know how long—hundreds of years, maybe more. Do you have any idea what that’s like for me? Knowing Deion, his wife, his children—the only people who truly care about me—will all grow old while I watch and remain the same? It’d be the same for anyone I get involved with. No matter what happens, I will always be alone.”
Immortality. The thought had never even crossed my mind. Even while arguing against androids and bionic ownership, I’d never considered the fact that we’ve essentially created sentient creatures that might break down or require repairs, but they don’t age. Not like we do.
Such a realization is difficult to argue with. Stricken, I try to think of something, anything that I could offer as a solution—even if the solution isn’t me. “Couldn’t you find an android woman for companionship?”
“No,” he replies. “There are too many factors that could render us incompatible, even if I could find one, as you say.”
“Maybe Deion could help,” I suggest, even though I don’t want that. Pushing Ezra toward any other woman, bionic or organic, brings me harsh discomfort. Suddenly, I’m combatting a wave of nausea. “If that’s what you really wanted.”
Ezra shakes his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Deion has offered many times.”
“Why don’t you let him?”
Ezra’s gaze levels with mine. “Would you want your life partner to be purchased for you? Built for you, to your specifications?”
A shiver of revulsion crawls though my body. I’m reminded of Frankenstein’s bride, and it horrifies me. “No.” I sigh softly. “No, I wouldn’t.”
This is the rawest we’ve ever been with each other. Talking, taking risks.
“Look, I don’t know what this is,” I say after a minute, as genuinely as I can. I get up and join him by the window. “I’m not asking for your hand in marriage.” I give him a little nudge and offer a tentative smile as he glances at me. “And I’m not asking for us to get down and fuck right here and now like animals. I just want to know what makes you tick.”
“A battery, usually,” he replies dryly.
I give him another nudge for good measure, seeing the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Very funny. You know what I mean.”
“I’ve been wondering about you too,” he says, turning away from the window and lowering his arms. “I came here that night because Ididwant to call you. To stop by, make sure you’re doing all right, yes, but more than that. I replay our conversations all the time, Katrina, just to hear your voice. That night when you let me touch you is burned into my drivers. It makes me insane. I’ve not only wanted more moments like that, I’ve craved them. Needed them. Needed you.”
My heart skips and trips over itself.Holy shit.
Ezra clenches his jaw. “But I can’t. Because if I give into this, if I allow myself to experience these things with you, you’re still going to leave. I’m going to be alone, changed, without the person I care for. And that’s not fair to either one of us.”
It’s not fair.He’s right. I’ve no right to ask for anything from him when I’ve made it perfectly clear what my intentions are after I get my doctorate. The moment I polish up an application and get accepted into one of the universities around here, the countdown starts on my time in the states. I’m filled with such yearning after hearing him talk like this, my mind is running away with fantasies that make no sense, wondering if I could sneak him in a suitcase, or spirit him away and be labeled a criminal for stealing from the police department.
Katrina Carson, wanted for grand theft robot. Wouldn’t that be something? Why not run away with Ezra? But I stop myself before my delusions of grandeur get too large.
“I know.” I brush his arm with my hand, trying to focus on reality. “But I’m not going anywhere for a while. It’ll take me a good six years to complete my doctorate. Maybe we could just see what happens.”
“What do you mean?” His gaze flits over me.
I shrug, toying with the cuff of his sleeve. “Take some time to think about it, and if you’re still thinking about me tomorrow, pick me up.”
“And do what, exactly?”
“Have you never been on a date?” I ask. His lack of response takes me off guard. “Oh. Oh, wow. You really haven’t?” That surprises the hell out of me. When he said he’s tried being with other women, I assumed that meant regular run-of-the-mill dates, or at least dinner before hopping in the sack.
Then again, Ezra can’t eat food or drink anything, so dinner might be an odd choice.
“My previous encounters weren’t of the public variety,” he replies. “Not many people want todatean android who’s also a detective. They get jumpy. And the chief would love to have a reason to bench me again.”
Me being seen in public with an android could be a scandal waiting to happen. But I’m far too excited at the prospect of being Ezra’s first date. “Tomorrow’s Friday. Maybe we could meet up.”
Ezra is quiet for a moment before sighing. “I can’t. There’s a barbecue at the Washingtons’ tomorrow night. It’s a tradition of theirs, the last barbecue of the year before autumn really sets in and it gets too cold. The entire ACU department will be there. I’m expected.” He hesitates, gazing at me for a long moment. “You could come.”
“Me? Are you sure that’s allowed? It isn’t fraternizing or something?”
“Normally, yes.” Ezra nods. “I wouldn’t be able to invite someone under our protection to attend non-official functions, but you’re no longer my responsibility. And even if you were, I’d say we’re past fraternizing.”
