Page 38 of Save Us
Lydia’s eyes widen as she sees me.
“What are you doing here?” she breathes, barely audible.
I open my mouth to reply, but after a moment, I shut it again.I can only stand there and stare at her as my fingers grip the bunch of flowers in my hand.
There’s so much I want to say, but at this moment, I can’t utter a word.
Maybe it’s nerves. Or that I’m not sure we want the same thing. A week ago, I thought we’d cleared things up between us, but then her dad got in the way, and now I have no idea where we stand.
I want to finally be the man Lydia deserves. The man she met that first summer. But what if she no longer wants me? What if she’s come to the conclusion that she’s better off without me?
“I needed to see you,” I manage after a while.
Lydia just keeps on staring at me.
“Would you like to come in?” Ms. Beaufort intervenes, stepping to one side.
I look inquiringly at Lydia instead of answering.
The seconds that pass feel like an eternity. Finally, Lydia nods slowly. I clear my throat and walk up the last two steps into the house.
“Go through to the conservatory,” Ms. Beaufort tells Lydia. “I’ll make some tea.”
I follow Lydia down the hall into a large sitting room, and then through a pair of double doors into a cozy conservatory. In passing, Lydia flicks a switch, and the next moment, hundreds of tiny lights come on in the wooden floor. Through the windows, I can see the landscape surrounding Ophelia Beaufort’s house. I knew from what Lydia told me that she lives in the middle of nowhere, but I hadn’t realized that that literally meant there was nothing but a little petrol station within a radius of five miles.
“These are for you,” I say awkwardly, handing her the flowers.
Lydia takes the bouquet of pink roses, gerberas, and chrysanthemums and lifts it to her face. The hint of a smile plays around her lips as she sniffs. My throat goes dry, and I’m wondering if she’s reading my gesture correctly. If she understands how much this moment means to me. Because this is the first time I’ve given her a gift without first glancing around to check that nobody can see us.
Lydia looks at the flowers for another heartbeat, then she clears her throat. “Thanks.”
Then silence falls again. I want to look around the room, but I can’t take my eyes off Lydia. She’s wearing a pale blue, baggy shirt and glossy black leggings. Her hair is in an untidy knot, with stray strands sticking up or falling into her face. She doesn’t look like the Lydia I know, and the very fact that I’ve never seen her like this before shows me just how little time we’ve actually spent together—and how much catching up I’d like to do.
Just as the silence between us is getting unbearable, Lydia points to the brown leather seats in the middle of the room. She walks over and sits down. As she sets the flowers carefully on the little coffee table, I see how much her fingers are shaking.
I hate her feeling like this because of me.
I walk over, but instead of joining her on the sofa, I sit in an armchair diagonally opposite.
“I was so worried about you,” I say quietly. “You can’t just send me an email like that and then vanish off the face of the earth.”
The leather creaks under my weight. I rest an arm on the chair and turn aside so that I can look directly at Lydia. She has both her palms flat on her thighs.
“I know.”
I feel like there’s a thick wall of concrete between us, andneither of us knows how to break it down. Just a week ago, I thought we could be together if I just found the guts to leave Maxton Hall. Suddenly, I’m not so sure.
“Would you like to tell me what happened?” I ask.
Lydia avoids my eyes, looks down at her hands. She runs them over her leggings and smooths her blouse.
“Lydia,” I whisper when she doesn’t answer. I say no more than her name, but I try to put everything into it: my feelings for her and the faith I still have in us.
Questioningly, she raises her eyes again. I can see that they’re glittering with tears.
“You can tell me everything. Anything at all. And no matter what your father may have threatened, I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to. I’m never going to pretend we’re strangers again. I meant what I said at the Spring Ball. I want to be with you.”
The first tears escape from the corner of her eye. At once, I slip off the chair and kneel before her.
