Page 73 of Save Us
It’s after three when I call my chauffeur and ask him to pick us up from the pub. First we take Wren, James, and Ruby back to Gormsey, then we drop off Cyril at home. He gets out, but before shutting the car door, he leans down and puts his head back in. He glances from Kesh to me and back again.
“I…” he begins, then clears his throat. “Thanks for tonight, boys.”
“Anytime,” Kesh replies.
“Next time, come and get drunk with us, and not James McCormack,” I say, making Kesh give me a kick in the shin.
“Got it,” mutters Cyril as he turns away. I shut the door and knock on the screen to tell Rupert to drive on.
“Where to, sir?” he asks.
“To Keshav’s, please,” I reply. Moments later, the car starts moving. I lean back and rest my tired head.
“That hurt,” I say, rubbing my shin with my hand.
“Your stupid remark wrecked an emotional moment, mate.” His eyes flick to my leg. “But I didn’t mean to kick you that hard, sorry.”
“I just wanted to lighten the mood a bit,” I reply. “It was a bit of a heavy evening for my tastes.”
Kesh just mumbles. He’s sitting opposite me. Unlike me, he doesn’t feel sick traveling with his back to the road. He can even read in the car, which I can’t even imagine. Just picking a book up makes me want to stick my head out of the window and retch.
Kesh used to laugh at me for getting so carsick and then started experimenting to see exactly what set it off. Now, I know that I can kiss in a car no problem but definitely can’t play games on my phone.
Lucky my body has its priorities straight.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Kesh says out of the blue. His voice is deeper than before. He glances from my eyes to my lips, then hastily looks away, like he’s just clocked what he’s doing. He turns his face to the window.
“Look at you like what?” I ask.
The mood tips so suddenly that I’m almost dizzy.
“You looked like you were thinking about the past,” he answers after a while.
I swallow hard. “Isn’t that allowed?”
Kesh makes a sound that’s probably meant to be a laugh but comes out kind of desperate. “No.”
“No? Why not?”
He looks back at me. “Because you shouldn’t cling to memories when you could be creating new ones with me.”
His words take my breath away. I need a moment before I can speak. “Kesh—”
“I told my mum,” he interrupts.
My heart pounds in my chest. All I can see is Kesh. Everything else has faded into the distance. “What?”
“I told her that I’m bi and feel attracted to both men and women.”
My mind is racing. I don’t know what to say first. I cough and opt for the question that seems most important to me right now. “How did she react?”
Kesh exhales all at once. “Not the way I expected. It was really hard, although to be honest, I wasn’t as scared of Mum as of Dad. At first, she thought I must be really ill or something because I was so nervous and started crying before I even said anything. So then when I told her, she was relieved it was nothing serious. Then she apologized and said that was a tactless thing to say.”
I’m holding my breath as I listen.
“Overall, it was…I dunno. Better than I expected?” It almost sounds like a question.
“That sounds good,” I croak.
