Page 105 of RomeAntically Challenged
“Carmen Lowell,” Carmen answered, her voice so bright it had Emmitt’s chest pinching painfully. Not because he was about to say he was sorry, but because he’d been given a glimpse of the other side of goodbye through Annie and Paisley, and he was ashamed to admit that, when it came to Carmen, he’d acted no better than Clark or Sam.
He was sure there were quite a few other women over the years who would consider themselves part of that list.
“Hey Carmen, it’s Emmitt.”
There was a long pause and he could practically hear her deflate until, when she spoke, she had all the warmth of a cardboard box. “If you’re calling to sweet-talk me into changing my mind, you’re wasting your time.”
“Actually, my doctor’s office is sending over the letter today. I’ve been cleared,” he said. “And I wanted to tell you before you heard it from HR.”
An exasperated laugh muddled through the earpiece. “Why am I not surprised? Emmitt Bradley always gets his way, no matter how it complicates everyone’s life. How old was the nurse you sweet-talked?”
Okay, he deserved that one. “Actually, Gray’s the one who cleared me, so you know there was no sweet-talking or shenanigans.”
“Then you’re okay?” she breathed.
“I have to take it easy—no extreme assignments for a few months—but I’m okay,” he said. “I know I gave you shit for benching me, but it was the right call. I needed time to heal and decide my next steps.”
“I’m happy to hear that, Emmitt, I really am.” The sincere concern in her tone humbled him, made him uncomfortable because he didn’t deserve her concern. “And it wasn’t my call to bench you. That came from the top down. I admit, I enjoyed being the one to put a temporary hole in your sail. So I guess you’re calling because you need your things?”
“Actually, I’m calling because I wanted to say sorry.”
“For telling the other journalists I was throwing a Carm-trum,” she accused. “Thanks for that, by the way. I don’t think the junior journalists had heard that term before.”
“I haven’t talked to anyone since the explosion.” But he hadn’t squashed the term that one of the younger journalists, who felt Carmen wasn’t giving him big-enough assignments, had coined. “But I’m sorry that I implied you were anything but professional. I’m also sorry for the way things ended.”
“Seriously, Emmitt, it’s okay, it was a long time ago and I’ve moved on.” She waved it off, as he’d seen her do so many times when forced to deal with one of the hundred a-holes she managed or encountered while simply doing her job.
“It’s not okay,” he told her. “When I ran into you at Mahoney’s I was too busy thinking how hard it was seeing you again. I didn’t stop to consider how you were feeling. I should have, just like I should have handled the situation differently.”
Carmen went silent, probably trying to figure out if he was BSing her. With their past interactions, he didn’t blame her.
When she finally spoke, her voice was full of surprise and something warmer that he hadn’t heard from her in years. “I’m actually at a loss for words, and you know how rare that is for me. I have a response to everything.”
Emmitt leaned against the wall and smiled. Speaking with Carmen had been one of his favorite parts of their relationship. She was smart and funny and loved to talk, about anything and everything. “You don’t have to say a word. I made a shit move that night. I was on a high because that assignment went amazing, but when I came home I realized I didn’t have anyone to share it with. Paisley was on a family camping trip, you and I... well, we weren’t that to each other anymore.” And once he started talking, he decided to lay it all out there. “I knew breaking it off before it got more serious was the right call, but I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you and how hard it would be to get overus.So I decided to head to Mahoney’s and celebrate with a beer. I had no idea you would be there. If I did, the second the woman at the bar started chatting me up I would have shut it down.”
“I could have left too,” she admitted. “I knew you were home and, afraid I’d spend another weekend with Ben and Jerry, my girlfriends kidnapped me for a man-bashing night out. You were the man of the hour.”
“I saw your roommate’s T-shirt,” he said, and Carmen laughed so loud it sounded muffled through the phone.
“I told all the girls to keep their jackets on until you left.”
“Everyone wore one?” He smiled, thinking back to when her roommate yanked open her jacket, flashing him with her custom-made THE ONLY THING MY EX HASN’T FUCKED... IS OFFshirt with Emmitt’s face front and center.
“I slept in mine for a long while after we broke up,” she admitted.
“I’m not surprised.” His voice turned somber. “I never cheated on you, Carmen. I may not have been the forever guy, but I never cheated.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But you let me fall in love with you, even when you knew you’d never commit.”
“I wanted to. I just never got there,” he admitted gently. “I knew your feelings were stronger than mine, but we had so much fun together that I let it go on longer than I should have. I just kept telling myself that because I’d been up-front with you, told you I’m not a long-term guy and I’d never change, it exonerated me from any wrongdoing. I was wrong. Out of respect for you and what we shared, I should have ended things sooner, and I should have left the bar that night alone. You deserved better, and I am sorry.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “It wasn’t all you though. You know that, right?” she asked, and Emmitt realized that, no, he hadn’t.
For all the times he played it off that Carmen was just another Crazy Cutie, he carried a lot of blame for hurting her the way he did.
“Looking back,” she continued, “all the signs were there. I was ignoring them. We both lied to ourselves, and we both made mistakes, but you’re a good guy, Emmitt.”
“A little slow on the uptake, but I’m working on that.”
