Page 110 of One Little Lie
The next thing I know, Easton is in my face and shaking my shoulders.
“Fucking breathe, Halt. Jesus Christ,” he grinds out. “You really can’t control this, can you?”
I shake my head no and begin to count. Every time I get distracted by a thought of Rylan, I start over. It takes eleven tries before I’m able to count to ten without interruption.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Easton demands when I appear to have a semblance of control.
“This is big for her. This is her career, what’s she’s worked so hard for. Colton is giving her an opportunity of a lifetime.”
“He gave her a connection. She got the job on her own,” he clarifies, obviously aware of the direction of my thoughts.
“It’s a career that will involve parties and red carpets. Interviews and travel.”
“All the things your nightmares are made of. So, what are you going to do? Are you going to let her go? Push her away again?” He scowls, then shakes his head. “Can you walk away?”
“Jesus, East. Do you think I can handle this shit?” My voice echoes off the lodge’s high ceiling, and I jump out of my chair to pace the room. “Rylan’s life will include literally everything I hate. Everything that kills a little piece of me every time I have to participate in it. She deserves someone who can walk the red carpet, proud to have her on their arm. She needs someone that can handle the spotlight. Someone that won’t fucking pass out if he has to give a speech. She deserves the world, man, and I’m broken inside. I don’t know how to do any of that shit without physically hurting. Just thinking about taking her to that show has my stomach turning in so many knots I think I’m going to vomit. What kind of man …”
Glancing up, I find Easton watching me. His fingers steepled under his chin, waiting for something.
“What?” I bark.
“Those are all problems. But you’re a fixer, Halt. So, what are you going to do?”
“She deserves better than me.” Dropping into my chair, I run both hands through my hair and shake my head, secretly hoping I’ll dislodge the piece of me that’s broken.
“I agree.” He smirks. “Most women deserve better than us. That’s not what I asked, though. I asked, what are you going to do? Can you live through losing her again?”
“No.”
Raising my gaze, Easton’s eyes find mine with an expectant expression.
“Fuck. No, I can’t live without her.”
“So?” he prods.
“So, I’m going to fix my shit, okay? I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to try. She’s worth more than my effort. She’s worth more than my pain or my pride. I’ll fight through my weakness if it means I won’t ever have to let her go again. Sh-She brings the magic into my life. GG was right. I live in black and white, but Rylan busts through my dark cloud, bringing all the colors of the rainbow with her. And I don’t want to live in the dark again. Not now that I’ve felt what it’s like to live in her sunshine. I need her, East. I need her so fucking much it terrifies me. Is one human supposed to depend on another so much?”
“Yeah, little brother. It’s called love. But the first step to fixing your shit is understanding it’s not your weakness that makes you this way. It’s your strength. Your compassion. Your need to protect and love. If you didn’t care so much, you wouldn’t have so much anxiety festering around inside, winding you up tight. You’re not weak, Halton. You’re strong in all the ways that matter. You just have to learn how to harness it.”
“It’s not that easy,” I grumble.
“Nothing worth it ever is, right? Welcome to the chaos, Halton. The world is your oyster and all that, you just have to …”
“Stay.” The stinking Taylor Swift song muddles my brain. All I have to do is stay.
“Well, yeah. If you’re strong enough to stick it out, you can work through anything,” he affirms, not understanding I’ve tuned him out in favor of a pop song.
Chapter 37
Rylan
“Thanks, Mom. I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I just got the call, but I’m so excited.”
“And what does that mean for Halton?”
“I’m not sure,” I admit.
There’s a long sigh before she speaks again. “Rylan, honey, you know I love Halton. I love all those boys, but he’s hurt you once already, and you almost missed out on a life that makes you happy. Halton will be miserable in New York City, but he’ll try, for you, I’m sure of it. He’s too stubborn not to. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you, though. Think long and hard about what you want. It might be time to focus on you for once in your life. If Halton is the one, a few months apart will only make that love grow stronger. I think you know this is something you need to accomplish on your own.”
