Page 52 of Tragic Empire
“Take your time,” I tell her encouragingly, threading our hands together. Her skin is warm and soft, even as a storm brews in her sorrow-filled eyes. “There’s no rush, just breathe, love.”
She takes a few moments to collect herself, breathing as I hold her fingers between mine, feeling her heartbeat in her thumb slow from erratic to steady.
“I just feel like a bit of a cunt crying all the time when what you went through was so much worse,” she admits, her chin trembling.
“Ana, no,” I try to cut in, to tell her that she shouldn’t compare tragedies but she refuses to hear it.
“You lost your wife, yourchild,” she croaks. “I lost Cole and my mom. Cole and I had barely been dating. And my mom, I loved her so much, but children always lose their parents eventually. I know that, that’s how the blasted circle of life fucking works but I?—”
“Stop,” I try to interrupt again and her shoulders shake.
“I can’t stop, don’t you get it?” she wails. “I’m a mess and I don’t know how to make it better. I hate feeling this way and the frustration is only making it worse. How do you stop yourself from being so upset that you’re only making it worse by thinking about being so upset all the time? What the bleeding fuck am I supposed to do, Cassio?”
I react without warning, snaking my arms underneath hers, wrapping them around her waist and pulling her in tight. Legs straddle mine, and I crush her front into my chest. Her shoulders slump and she cries into my neck, accepting the embrace.
“You’re supposed to lean on me,” I tell her firmly, rubbing soothing circles on the center of her back. “You feel whatever you need to feel for however long you need to feel it, but you don’t do it alone. You come to me, and I make it better.”
“I don’t deserve it,” she protests. “You’re still sad, too. I know it. You don’t cry and lie in bed all day, you just deal with it. And now you have to deal with me on top of it.”
When I get my hands on the people responsible for doing this to my wife, I’m going to channel every bit of my brother Nico in dealing with them. They’ve flayed her open in one of the most horrific ways, and putting her back together again isn’t going to be easy.
She’s so empathetic and compassionate, of course she feels guilty for things that can’t possibly be her fault. She’s too young—too good to understand the complex cruelties this world can inflict on us without warning. It makes me want to tear the city apart—rip it open, find all those who would wish her harm and turn them into ash.
I knew coming into this that it wouldn’t be easy, I knew comforting her in her time of need would tug on old wounds for me. But I did it anyway, and I don’t regret it.
Stroking the back of her hair, I try to coax her into calming down.
“You are just twenty years old, Ana. You lost your mother and the boy you were falling in love with on the same day. Your stepbrother who you care deeply for is in a coma, and you’re married to a man you’re just starting to know. You have every right to be as broken as you need to be.”
“But Cassio,” she cries.
I shush her gently, holding her tighter to my chest. “I was twenty-seven when I lost Isobel and Angel. Seven years older than you are now, andsurroundedby family to help me through it. Yes, it was horrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But you shouldn’t compare our grief and make yourself feel badly for crying and lashing out more than I did. Our circumstances couldn’t have been more different.”
I don’t mention that I was also born and raised as a made man. I was taught from a young age that horrific shit like this could happen. She wasn’t. She was raised like an ordinary girl and thrust into this life. Of course she’s taking this hard. I’d be more worried about her if she weren’t.
“We deal with agony differently,forza.Imay not have spent hours on end crying, but I tried to get myself killed more than once. I know it’s hard to hear, but all that matters now is moving forward. You’re not going to feel this way forever. You’ll always remember, but the pain dulls. I swear, it really does.”
Just as I finish speaking, a piercing ring bursts from the phone in my pocket. I’d hit decline immediately on the call, if I didn’t recognize the sound to be massively important.
“Ana—” I start.
She leans back in my lap, sniffing and wiping at her face with the back of her hands. “It’s fine, you can answer it.”
Before she can get off of me, I grab her by the front of her thighs. “Don’t leave. If this is what I think it is, I want you close.”
Her throat bobs, and I reach for my phone before waiting for a reply.
“Cassio,” I tell the caller shortly.
A quick sputtering of words over the line confirms my suspicions.
“Yes,” I speak clearly. “Yes. We’ll be there shortly, standby.”
“What was that?” Ana asks as soon as I hang up.
I make sure to watch her face as I finally deliver a piece of good news.
“Killian is awake.”
