Page 59 of Darkness I Become
Asha felt a strong surge of affection for him. He offered her something beautiful and dangerous: true, unconditional acceptance. It was the first time she’d thought that someone was capable of liking her for who she was, not who he wanted her to be.
She pressed herself into him and whispered, “Thank you.”
Cade simply held her tighter, and she let herself believe for the first time that he wouldn’t let her go.
Chapter 18
The following day was torture. When Asha woke up, Cade had already left, likely to attend to his inspections of the settlement. With nothing in particular to do, she ate and dressed, then lay back on the bed with her sore ankle elevated on a cushion. She started reading one of Cade’s books, titledNavigation for Dummies,which had lessons about using a compass, reading maps, and more modern innovations like GPS. It wasn’t terribly interesting, but it was useful, at least.
Hours ticked by slowly, and Asha grew restless. Her desire for Cade was like a fire under her skin, heated and burning, and as unfamiliar as it felt, she relished it. She thought of what they’d done the night before, the way he’d touched and pleasured her, and heat pooled between her thighs. She tried to push away the tantalizing images of his head between them, but they danced behind her eyelids every time she blinked. He’d awakened her hunger, and now she was starving.
At the back of her mind, he’d also awakened her curiosity. She was curious about all that he’d promised the night before, when he’d said he would show her how good it could be, and how pain could bring her more pleasure. It seemed inherently contradictory, yet she couldn’t stop thinking about it. About him, and what it might be like to see him naked and let him inside her body—something she’d never relished the thought of before, but now craved in a way that was nearly painful.
So, when Cade finally came through the door of the cottage, Asha practically pounced on him. Before he could say a word, she pulled him into a kiss that felt most unlike her—not cautious, not dubious,but happy and grateful and so very hungry. His body softened against her, and he kissed her back with the same level of need. They explored back and forth with their tongues until they had to surface for breath.
“That’s a welcome I won’t soon forget,” Cade said wryly.
Asha bit her lip, suddenly shy. It was an odd feeling, to put her affection for him on display like that. But more surprising, it felt good, and not just physically. It fed something deep in her soul, to have someone, at long last, to trust.
“I missed you,” she admitted, feeling foolish and exhilarated at the same time.
Cade’s sweet smile was worth it. “That doesn’t sound like my Asha. She’d tell me to go jump in a lake.”
My Asha.She felt like an idiot with how giddy that made her.
“I haven’t ruled it out,” she replied with a snort.
Cade smiled wider, then kissed her some more. She got lost in his lips, and a thrill went through her when he pushed her back onto the bed and climbed on top of her, deepening their kiss. She loved the feel of him, powerful and strong, against her.
Powerful, but never cruel.
Still, a nagging voice in her head castigated her for enjoying her submission to him as much as she had.What is wrong with you? You call yourself a rape victim, then you go and do this? Beg for it?
Cade must’ve felt her stiffen, because he abruptly stopped kissing her and fixed her with that piercing grey gaze that she both loved and hated. It meant he was analyzing her.
“What is it?” he asked, hushed. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, no,” Asha replied in a rush. “I just…”
When she didn’t continue, he said, “You’re going to have to help me out here, darling. Talk to me.”
“It’s just…last night,” she managed after a moment. “I feel…guilty. For submitting to you. I’ve spent my whole life seeing sex as submission, and it was humiliating and horrible. But then, last night, I let you…”
She faltered, not sure how to properly express herself. Cade’s eyes, however, softened with understanding. Somehow, he’d listened to that muddled mess and knew what she was telling him. She loved that about him.
“Did you enjoy submitting to me?” he asked, gently caressing her jaw.
Asha swallowed hard. “So much.”
Her cheeks flamed. She felt a sense of shame about just howmuchshe’d liked submitting to him. It felt like a betrayal of her past experiences with submission, which had been at best uncomfortable, at worst violating. He must’ve read it in her expression because he bent and kissed her—so gently, so patiently.
“It doesn’t invalidate any of what’s happened to you before, my angel,” Cade murmured. “It’s different now. When you submit to me, it’s a game we’re playing together that gives both of us pleasure. Trust is sexy, darling.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “Trust is sexy?”
He nodded. “I can’t tell you how hard I got last night when you just let go of control…let me blindfold you, let me eat your pussy. When you followed my orders without question. Your submission is…intoxicating. Especially because in your day-to-day, I doubt anyone would describe you that way.”
He grinned, and she acknowledged his point with a sheepish giggle.
