Page 85 of Darkness I Become
Asha shook her head, over and over. “I can’t do this. I can’t be part of this.”
“The price of freedom is death, darling, and it’s us or them. That’s what it always comes down to.”
She laughed bitterly. “You know, soldier, I would’ve thought you’d understand that some things are worth dying for. I guess that was too much to hope for from a man who’d willingly associate with someone like Angel.”
“Don’t you dare compare me to that monster,” he shouted, smashing another cup against the wall. “I’ve protected you as best I could, every step of the way. I’ve been patient and understanding with your many fuckingissues.I’ve been better to you than I had any obligation to be, and this is how you fucking repay me?”
Every word hit her like a physical blow.
“I’m not a good man, darling,” Cade continued. “You knew that from the start, and you fell in love with me. I’m never gonna sacrifice us on the altar ofgoodness.I refuse.”
Fell in love.Because he seemed to always read her mind, he knew she loved him.And he was telling her, in no uncertain terms, that it didn’t matter, didn’t change his answer to their problem. If anything, he was weaponizing that love against her by implying she loved himforhis darkness.
And, Asha had to admit, she did. But he was so much more than that, and she loved him more for being the man who’d held her, comforted her, made her feel safe and given her agency in a relationship that’d been stacked against her from the start.
“I’m not staying in this,” she said in a low voice, with a shake of her head. “So, I guess you’ll be happy to know that I don’t intend to be an obligation to you anymore.”
She turned to leave the room. She had no idea where she was going or what she would do when she got there. All she knew was that she needed to get away from the horrific betrayal that seared everything scarred and vulnerable inside her.
“We’re not done, Asha,” Cade commanded, in the same tone he gave military orders in. “Get back here.”
She ignored him, didn’t even look back. If she did, she thought she might be sick.
His footsteps followed her. He caught her wrist and spun her to face him again, fury etched into his features. His grip was just shy of painful, and the fire in his eyes was frightening.
“Don’t fucking walk away from me,” he gritted out, right in her face, his huge body looming over her. He looked like he could kill her. His eyes were glazed in a way she’d never seen before: unseeing except for blind rage.
It was the first time she’d ever been truly afraid of him.
“Let me—”
“Hear me now,” Cade spat out. “There is nowhere on fucking earth you could go that I would not find you. I won’t let you kill yourself and take away the one good thing I’ve ever had. I. Will. Not. Allow. It.”
She struggled against his hold, but he tightened his grip on her wrist and crowded her against the wall. Terror struck her heart. Every breath between them felt like a small earthquake.
“You’re made for me, Asha. Your darkness matches mine, and you know it.”
She found her voice again. “Let mego,Cade. I mean it.”
He didn’t move, and that was when her own anger resurfaced, and her need to protect herself became greater than her desire to placate him.
“How fitting,” Asha snarled back in his face. “Like father, like son.”
And in perfect imitation of the moment he’d most admired her for, she spat in his face. The saliva hit his cheek and slid down, and for a second, she thought he might snap and commit physical violence.
But the second passed, and the fury went out of Cade’s face like a candle being abruptly blown out. He blinked a couple times, as though waking from a strange dream, and stared at her like he’d never seen her before. Then he prickled with sudden awareness, and horror broke over his features like a wave. He dropped her wrist as though it had burned him and wiped his cheek, backing away from her immediately.
“I’m sorry,” he croaked, staring at his wet hand. “Fuck, I—”
Asha just looked at him with contempt, her rage and despair dwarfing her.
“Thanks for proving my point,” she spat. “I’m one ofthose girls,Cade. And you are definitely one of those fucking men. Enjoy whatever that brings you, but you’ll do it without me.”
She turned on her heel and left him there, along with the last shreds of her humanity and any hope for her future.
Nihilism descended like a dark curtain over everything as Asha threw things into her backpack. She didn’t know where she was going. All she knew was that she couldn’t stay here. The only person she’d ever trusted in her whole life lived here, and she could no longer stomach looking at his face and knowing what she’d lost.
In a way, Cade’s betrayal was nothing. He was simply fulfilling the expectations she usually had of everyone. But for one precious moment in her life, she’d thought he would be better. He listened to her; he cared about what she had to say. He cared abouther,and he didn’t mind that she didn’t really know how to be affectionate, or how to be in a real relationship. He liked her for the things that other people saw as flaws.
