Page 101 of Darkness I Become
Cade retrieved a bar of soap and a washcloth from his pack, then knelt beside the tub. Asha watched him in disbelief as he started to bathe her, his touch gentle and tender. He touched her as if no time had passed between them, as if she’d only left him yesterday instead of six months before.
“Still gorgeous,” he murmured as he lathered soap on her body.
Asha rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help but feel a prickle of pleasure at his approval. He was the only one who’d ever made herfeelbeautiful, with his words and his touch.
“I’m still mad at you, you know,” she said defiantly, to remind herself as well as him.
She expected him to joke, to make light of it. But he didn’t.
Instead, he sighed and said, resigned, “I know.”
His expression was wounded, but hard-set. He clearly expected no reassurance from her—which was good, because he didn’t deserve any, by her estimation. So why did she want to give it to him anyway?
“I know I hurt you badly,” Cade continued. “It doesn’t make any difference to say it, but…I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
“For what, exactly? Setting me up to kill Angel for you? Forcing me to go along with the human trafficking scheme? Blowing up on me? Making me—” Asha stopped, a lump forming in her throat, before gasping out the rest, “—trust you?”
Pain flashed in those grey eyes she’d grown to know so well.
“For all of it,” he replied, his voice thick. “I broke your trust and killed what we had. And I didn’t even realize how much it meant to me until you left. Then I realized…”
He trailed off, uncertain.
“Realized what?” she said, exasperated. “That your little power play didn’t make you happy, in the end? So, you came crawling back, because I wasn’t there to wet your dick anymore and tellyou—”
Cade’s expression tightened, and his eyes turned steely.
“Shit, Asha, I’m trying to tell you that I love you,” he burst out, tossing the soap into the water with aplop. “I didn’t work this hard to find you just because I was sorry. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life and have plenty to be sorry for. That sure as hell didn’t make me risk my life, though.”
He took a deep breath. “I risked it because I’m just…ridiculously in love with you, and after you left, I realized that I didn’t fucking care about any of the things I’d worked so hard for, because you weren’t there. I didn’t care about taking down Angel, or being leader, because it didn’t mean anything without you. Nothing did, and I couldn’t live with myself, knowing I was going to put more people through what you went through. So, I evacuated everyone…and then I did everything I could to find you again.”
Asha paused, hardly daring to believe him. She remembered the rage in his eyes, the way he’d frightened her, and forced herself back from the edge.
“Our last fight,” she said quietly, and he flinched at the memory. “I thought you were going to hurt me.”
“I could have,” Cade admitted, and to her surprise, a tear escaped down his cheek. “But in the end, I remembered I’mnotmy father. You made me remember that I had a choice to be different, even if I didn’t make it until I lost you. You were, and are, my purpose, Asha, and I could never harm you.”
Asha took a sharp intake of breath. She didn’t know how to respond, but that nagging lump in her throat surfaced again. He loved her, and as much as she’d tried so hard to forget him, to cut herself loose from his grip, she knew the truth: she’d never be free of him, because she didn’t want to be. Her love for him was the only thing she still knew was real in the web of lies she’d spun for herself.
Silent tears flowed freely down her face, and the corners of Cade’s mouth turned down.
“Is it not enough, darling?” he murmured, then sighed. “I know it’s not. It’s too late, and too long, and I didn’t give you what you needed when you needed it…but I’m here now, and if you let me, I’ll take care of you. Of us. My penance will be building you the life you want—whatever you want.”
He sat back on his knees, his expression earnest.
“If you want to stay here at Ashburn, I’ll rebuild it for you,” he said. “We can settle here, try to bring it back to what it was. If you want to find a new group, we will. If you want to travel, I’ll bring you where you want to go. I just…I want to be with you. I don’t care about the rest. We can take it as slow as you want, between us. Just…please think about it. Please.”
There was a desperate plea in his eyes that Asha had never seen before. Cade wasn’t the begging type. But he was begging now—on his knees, no less. For her.
Asha wet her lips, overwhelmed. She still didn’t trust him—not yet—but she believed him. And through all the pain she’d endured in the last year, he’d been the only guiding light. He’d saved her.
He’d made mistakes, done bad things to survive…but she knew something about that now. She knew regret, and she knew what it was to betray someone who trusted you for something you thought you wanted more than anything else.
We’re fucked up,Asha thought.But we’re the same kind of fucked up.
So, she gathered her courage and said, “I still don’t trust you, but…I want to try.”
Relief passed over Cade’s face in a wave. He grabbed her hands and held them, then pressed his forehead to hers.
