Page 94 of Darkness I Become
He gave a dry laugh. “Wouldn’t dream of it, darling. In any case, I only have one girl I’m interested in these days. Though I’m not sure she’ll have me, after all this.”
The PID hadn’t failed, and Cade had successfully calibrated it to latch onto Asha’s tracking beacon. Its solar battery meant that it could be recharged easily without electricity. That was where the good news had ended, however; she’d been so far ahead of them that he’d been worried she would move out of range in no time. After all, she had a few weeks’ head start, even if she was mostly traveling on foot. As a result, they’d been hightailing it for weeks to keep her from vanishing off the tracker, and they were all exhausted.
Then it snowed for the first time a week ago, and things got even worse. Food was scarcer, the cold was biting, and they had to stop for more frequent breaks.As Asha would say, fuck Canadian winter to death with a rusty chainsaw.
Cade’s temper had exploded again the other day when he’d gotten a migraine so painful that they were laid up for two days that they couldn’t afford. That was when Leo had pulled him aside into a private copse of trees, wearing his ultra-serious,I’m-a-fucking-doctor-so-listen-to-meface.
“You can’t keep going like this, Cap,” Leo said firmly, in his no-nonsense tone, like when he told patients that they had to start taking their damn medication. “This blackout rage of yours…it’s getting worse, and it’s dangerous, for us and for you. You know I’ve offered—”
“Iknow,” Cade snarled at him. “I don’t needtherapy,doc. I need to find Asha.”
“Oh, and you think she’s going to run back into your arms if you’re spitting fire at her?” Leo shot back. “Funny, because from what you said, I thought that was why she left.”
He almost blew up again. He really did.
“Deep breath, Cade,” Leo said, his voice softer. “Do it with me.”
Rather unwillingly, Cade followed him in a breath exercise. It made him feel stupid and ashamed. He should be able to control himself better. He shouldn’t be having these bouts of anger. But he hated to admit that the breath work helped. A little.
“As I was saying,” Leo continued after he’d calmed down, “I’ve offered you psych help before. I’mnota therapist, but I did receive more advanced psych training when they reassigned me from the civilian hospital to the military, because what you’re feeling and how you’re reacting isn’t unusual for soldiers. It’s extremely common.”
Cade let out another long breath. “I don’t like feeling out of control.”
“I know,” Leo replied emphatically. “And if you want to feel better, and you want Asha to come back to you, then you have to improve your mental health. I hate seeing you like this, and not just as a physician—as a friend. You deserve better than this, and I can at least teach you ways to help you manage things.”
Touched, Cade paused for a moment. “Alright. But if you’re gonna make me wear a daisy chain and hold my hand and make me sing kumbaya, I’m pushing you off the nearest cliff.”
Leo grinned. “Deal.”
Chapter 31
After two months trekking through the snow, ice, and general misery of winter, Asha discovered that the mythical Valley that Madigan had spoken of really existed. She had to admit that she was surprised, especially when the electricity and indoor plumbing also turned out to be real.
It was a sprawling farming community surrounded by largely impassable mountains. There was only one plausible way in and out, via a concealed mountain pass that still involved a lot more climbing than Asha preferred. Still, she got over the difficulty quickly, because to say that the residents did not welcome her there was a vast understatement.
From the moment she arrived, they treated her and Claire with suspicion and sometimes open hostility. Many refused to trade with them. Asha dealt with their stares every time she walked the dirt roads between their homesteads, no matter where she was going. A few times, children threw rocks at her. Worse, Zach Jameson—who seemed to be the Valley’s asshole prodigal son—often wolf-whistled at her and made obscene gestures when he saw her on the road.
She often walked those roads to get in and out of the Valley, since she preferred to spend her time alone than in the company of people who either didn’t understand her or treated her as an invading force. The Valley always needed people to scavenge in the Wasteland for materials, so she volunteered. She now spent far more time away and alone than she did at the Madigan farmstead, which was probably for the best…especially since Kimmy was starting to get ideas about their alleged romance and grumble about Asha’s complete disinterest in commitment.
She wandered the frozen wilds alone, often aimlessly, stopping in abandoned towns and villages to scavenge supplies. She spent many a night in some derelict building, barely motivated enough to move. A deep despair and self-loathing had settled inside of her, and when she wasn’t running away from it, it paralyzed her.
It was a few weeks before Asha came across a fenced-in village at the edge of what had once been a city. Madigan had mentioned that there was a trading post near the Valley, and she’d been determined to find it. Now, up to her shins in fresh snow, she stood outside the gate and read a hand-carved wooden sign that readThe Post.The two guards at the gate eyed her warily.
The name struck a chord deep inside her. Where had she heard the name before?
Unprompted and unwelcome, Cade’s voice whispered in her head:It’s a Wastelander settlement up north. Only a hundred-and-fifty kilometres or so from the Delta.
So close to the compound, she thought with no small amount of longing.There has to be a way to get there.
But she knew getting there was only half the battle. Getting inside was another matter entirely, and it would require convincing them to take her in. She had no idea how to do that, but if she could find a way to contact them, she’d think of something. Anything. She needed to get out of this hell, and if it meant selling her soul a second time, she’d do it.
A guard at the gate made an impatient noise. “Lady, are you going in or what? You’re blocking the road.”
Asha jumped. Somehow, she’d lost touch with her surroundings. It seemed to happen a lot now. Her own thoughts consumed her whole.
“Yes,” she finally decided. “I’m coming in.”
“Fine. I never seen you here before, so the basic rules are: don’t steal shit, don’t instigate shit, and don’t be an asshole. We got no problem dragging your ass out, or putting a bullet in the back of your head if you cause trouble. Got it?”
