Page 87 of The Cornish Cream Tea Holiday
He looked up, his hazel eyes burning into her like twin flames. His expression wasn’t happy or relieved, but it wasn’t impassive, either. It was almost glittering with anger.
‘Why are you here, Thea?’
‘I came to see if you were OK, and to apologise.’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t want an apology.’
‘You don’t? Because I know Esme said some things, and—’
‘I just want you to go, please.’
Scooter nudged her more forcefully, as if telling her not to give up. Thea didn’t want to, but it would have been a lot easier if she hadn’t contributed to his dark mood.
‘What if I don’t want to go?’ She folded her arms, then unfolded them, conscious of coming across like a stubborn schoolgirl.
Ben narrowed his eyes, and she thought she might, with a bit of gentle pushing, be able to break through his scowl.
‘I’m not in a chatty mood,’ he said. ‘Not after everything that’s happened today.’
‘I know I’m mostly responsible for that.’
‘You’re partly responsible, but not entirely. I just need to reassess a few things. Like it says in that book: cut your losses and move on. A lot of it I’m not sure about, but those things make sense.’
‘I hope you’re not talking about me, because I’m not ready to lose you, Ben.’ She took a step forwards, Scooter a shadow at her side. ‘I know we’ve not known each other long, but—’
‘But we’re just having a bit of fun, aren’t we?’
Thea grimaced. ‘When I said that to Esme, I didn’t—’
He waved her words away. ‘Ordinarily I would say it’s none of my business what you say to your friends aboutme, but when there’s such a disconnect between what you’ve led me to believe and what’s real …’
‘But I’ve been honest with you! Everything – the bookshop, my plan to move here – all of that is true.’
‘So you haven’t told Esme aboutanyof it? I’m supposed to believe that you’ve been honest with me, and not with the best friend you’ve known since school? That’s the point she made, and it’s pretty valid. Why bother telling me the truth, when in less than a week you’ll be gone and none of it will matter?’
‘You really think I’d do that to you?’
Ben rubbed his eyes. ‘I don’t know what to think any more. I thought I knew you, understood the kind of person you were, but then Esme turned up – and Alex, too: the man you’ve spoken about with such affection, who’s been there whenever you needed him – and since then …’
‘Alex has been a good friend,’ she said, defensiveness creeping into her voice, mainly because she knew Ben had a point. ‘He’s been kind to me, he’s got me out of some difficult situations, and I admire him. But it’s never been anything more than that, and it’s never going to be. Is that what you’re really angry about?’
His laughter was brittle. ‘I’m angry about being lied to. I don’t really know how you feel about Alex, or how true any of this bookshop stuff is. I don’t know anything, any more.’
‘I promise you, Ben, I haven’t lied to you. I didn’t tell Esme my plans because I didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of her if it all fell through. I told you because … because as soon as we started spending time together, you said you believed in me: that I could do anything I wanted.I was more honest with you at the lighthouse than I’ve been with anyone in a long time.’
Ben held her gaze, but he didn’t have a comeback. Thea felt herself softening, limbs tingling, as she remembered how kissing Ben made her feel. From his expression, she thought part of him was back there, too.
‘If you really, genuinely care about me,’ he said in a low voice, ‘why did you downplay it with Esme? And are you and Alex really only friends, or have things got especially awkward now he’s turned up and you have both of us to deal with? Tell me something that helps me make sense of it, Thea.’
She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She hadn’t heard bitterness from him before, and it shocked her, showed her just how angry he was. She’d hurt him, and that was on top of all the pain Damien and Allie had caused. It was as if she’d stepped into a minefield and was prancing about, certain of standing on one.
‘Ben.’ His name came out as a whisper. ‘I didn’t want to make Esme suspicious. I was trying to change the subject, because I wanted to tell her about the bookshop face to face. I downplayed how I felt about you, because if I hadn’t, it would have led to her asking about us, about … our future: how it was going to work when I was back in Bristol. I couldn’t get into it with her then, and since she’s been here, there just hasn’t been a chance.’ She took a deep breath. ‘And Ipromiseyou, Alex and I are friends, nothing more. There was a time when I would have been interested maybe, but—’
‘Of course.’
‘No! No,Ben. I’m only telling you this because I want to be completely honest with you. Since we started spendingtime together, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. You showed me that what I once felt for Alex wasn’tanythingcompared to my feelings for you, and we’ve only known each other a couple of weeks. I understand, after Allie and Damien, I know you must feel—’
‘You have no idea how I feel!’ Ben stood up quickly, his foot slipping on the step so the ladder crashed into the wall behind him and made them both jump. He blinked, shocked, then ran a hand over his mouth. ‘You don’t know how I feel, Thea,’ he said, much more gently. ‘If you did, then you wouldn’t have messed with my head like this. I thought I understood what was going on with us.’
