Page 57 of A Shot at Love
He smiles slowly, the joy spreading to his dimple and eyes. “That’s all I want, Annie. You’re the only part of my dream that I’m missing.”
My eyes are watering again, and I drop the shoe.
Abruptly, we’re running at each other.
The collision is straight serotonin to my system. The inhalation of mint, the pleasure of my hands in his hair, the joy bubbling up as he lifts me and spins me around. “Daniel.” I’m cry-laughing as he sets me down. “I missed you.”
Daniel looks at me seriously, pulling my face into his hands, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. “Annie, now that you’ve been back in my life, I never want you to leave it again. We need to stop leaving each other.”
As he’s speaking, he rummages in his jacket pocket, finally unearthing a packet of tissues. He passes them tome, and all the love I have in me seems about ready to explode out of my pores.
I smile at him, hoping it’s Hollywood-worthy. “Daniel?”
He looks away from the beloved tissues, back to my face. “What?”
I let all my bottled-up feelings loose, hoping they’ll make me brave. “I love you. So much.” The words come out triumphant.
The smile that unfurls on his face makes me blush. “Annie Larger. My love for you is larger than fucking life.”
We’re both laughing and delirious, and we start kissing like we’re making up for lost time. We’re staggering, spinning, and leaning on each other, silhouetted by the headlights. Daniel tastes like every word I’ve never said, like every opportunity I’ve been too afraid to take, every thought I’ve ever had that downplays my strengths. He tastes like redemption.
“Hey!” Jadea interrupts us, as usual. This time, I don’t mind. “What’s the plan now, lovebirds?”
We break apart, still looking at each other. Daniel’s voice whispers across my cheeks. “Yeah, what’s the plan, Annie?”
I step back from him so I can articulate myself clearly. “The Arrows are going to win on Wednesday. We’re going to survive our one-and-done playoff game.” Jadea pumps her fist in support. I smile at her, then look back at Daniel. “Then I need a slot on your show. Next Sunday.”
I’ve surprised them both. National TV? Fear skitters down my spine. “I have a few ideas that will put this whole scandal to bed.”
The words feel powerful and surer than any I’ve spoken in weeks.
22
Everyone is quiet when I show up to warm-ups on Wednesday. The past two days have been a whirlwind, one that was rewarding but ultimately exhausting. I only went to a few individual workouts, missing many of my teammates in the process.
Jermaine, Daniel, and I have been working with a single-minded focus. I’ve been on ESPN’sThe Jump,Good Morning America, and various podcasts. Through each interview I have sweat and stammered. I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t Jadea, witty and sparkling. I wasn’t Daniel, polished and easy. But I was myself.
I talked about my fears, why I didn’t play the last two games of the season. I explained my anxiety and using avoidance as a coping skill. I talked about how the team suffered under Trenton and how he twisted my words. I talked about women’s sports, as best as I could. I missed things. I offended a few people. But I got through it. I showed people that I wasn’t a ghost in this scandal, I was a living, breathing person. I had feelings, and maybe they were wrong, but I would put a voice to them.
I didn’t mention my mom or Daniel, as it felt too personal. I didn’t mention that I had already texted my therapist to restart weekly appointments. I tried not to let any anger or bitterness bleed into my words. Overall, I just tried.
So far, the response has been mostly positive. Some mixed reviews about my crocodile tears or the timing of these interviews, but I try to tune them out. This way, I’m not avoiding my problems. I’m not dodging my fears.
Daniel posts several inspiring, heartwarming, and somewhat sappy posts about me. Those bring in the best press, and it’s even more infuriating because he means them. Every word.He’s also started working in earnest on his mental health in sports piece, saying my bravery inspired his own.
He’s a larger-than-life boyfriend.
When Wednesday arrives, I feel more nervous than all the interviews combined. It’s my girls that I’ve been avoiding. We’ve always been a team, and I threw some doubt into that definition. Maybe it wasn’t my fault we lost, maybe it was. We’ll never know, and I have to live with that.
We’re all getting ready, tying our shoes and tying back our hair. So far, everyone’s been pleasant, but distant. Even Olabisi is avoiding my gaze, not one to usually shy away from a confrontation. Coach Rembert is busy talking with her assistants, so Jadea nudges me.
I take another one of those calming breaths. “Arrows!” I call them to attention, just like Jadea would. “I need to say a few things.” Immediately, the room quiets. Coach Rembert turns my way, and the kindness in her gaze is not surprising. Nor is the eagerness in Taherah’s. Or the knowing smile on Lynn’s face. “I’m sorry,” I say earnestly. I try to meet everyone’s gaze head-on. “For leaving and not playing with you the last twogames of the season. I don’t know if I could have changed the outcome, but at least I would have been there. I thought if I played, everyone would be focused on the scandal, and we would be distracted. I should have known we would have been distracted either way. I was just too afraid to speak up for myself, to speak up against Trenton.” I take another deep breath. “I’m trying to be better.”
“It’s okay,” Taherah offers immediately. “I’m scared all the time.” It’s a kind and easy response, one that I expected. Taherah doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, unless she’s trying to catch a screen and shoot her shot.
Allyson rolls her eyes. “It’s not your fault your family is full of assholes, Annie. Just talk to us next time.”
I bark out a laugh. “Too true, thank you, Allyson.” We’re all laughing a little then, in relief.
